Envy & Friendship: A deadly combination

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I came across an article on Facebook (yes I still use FB) recently about a young lady who dated a guy for 6 years, paid all his fees, had 7 abortions, for him to end up marrying her best friend. Obviously, there were more elements to this story but from what I read, it was clear that feelings of envy were the fuel behind such a betrayal. This article inspired me to gather my thoughts into a new blog post.

I have to admit I often get my wires crossed when it comes to Envy and jealousy. Both appear to be similar but are two very different things. Envy is the desire for others’ traits, status, abilities, and possessions. Whilst Jealousy is a feeling of unhappiness because someone has something or someone that you want. The two can be seen as a natural complex emotion, which goes hand in hand with each other. Although envy appears to be the worst of the two since it is one of the seven deadly sins of the world.

Envy is the one that intrigues me the most only because this is the emotion that I know has the most power and venom. It can be felt by both men and women at any given age.  But don’t be fooled even animals experience envy too, may I remind you it was envy that led Scar to kill Mufasa in the Lion King. It just goes to show if feelings of envy manifest in the wrong way it can push a person to do some of the most unthinkable things. I have been on this earth long enough to see the ways in which feelings of envy can destroy relationships, especially friendships.

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Believe it or not

 I know this might be a tricky thing to get your head around but friendships can sometimes be a breeding ground for feelings of envy. It is usually one-sided but in some cases, the feelings can be mutual. As common as it is, most people do not like to openly talk about or even address those feelings. It is either sugar-coated, downplayed or will go unaddressed. I get it, I really do and if you find yourself in such a situation you have to proceed with caution.

I of all people know how awkward it can be opening up to someone about my suspicions of an envious friend. Accusing a friend of being envious of you is a strong accusation that should be not thrown around lightly. If you do not approach a situation like this correctly people will definitely be looking at you funny. I remember I never ever wanted to come across conceited or worse yet paranoid so I kept my thoughts to myself for ages. But I kid you not if feelings of envy within a friendship are left to its own devices, the consequences could be dire for both parties involved.

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Red Flag

This might come as a shock to you but for some people envy within their friendship circles doesn’t really faze them. In fact, some thrive off it as it keeps them on their toes. These people are the real champs because I couldn’t do it, not today, not tomorrow, and not ever. Only because I have seen first-hand how dangerous this can be. My mum, my brothers and I were left in a life-threatening situation caused by the actions of one of my mum’s so-called friends.

Nobody saw it coming and this made the entire ordeal 10 times worse. I think about that situation from time to time and I still carry the trauma from it with me. I guess this is one of the reasons why I don’t hesitate to cut a friend off if they do something that hurts me. I won’t go into full details but if things went another way you probably would not be reading this blog post. But I give thanks that my family and I serve a God who works harder than our opposition. It was this incident that opened my eyes and made me see that a friend can be envious of you for reasons other than material possessions.

It could be related to things like your personality, physical appearance and self-confidence. Upbringing, job, achievements, lifestyle or just the way others treat you. This is what makes it worse for me because what causes a person to be envious of their friend is extremely hard to pinpoint. Anything could be a trigger, imagine if you have something that your friend wants there is a possibility that you could be a target. This just blows my mind because everyone is not the same and we are all born into different circumstances.

However, where envy in friendship is concerned  I do strongly believe that it has more to do with the person who has those feelings, oppose to the person they are projecting those feelings on. It is rooted in a person unhappiness or lack thereof. Unfortunately, you might just be the friend who ends up with the short end of the stick because of it.

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Not everything is written in black and white

One thing I have learned about envy is that it is not so easily detectable, especially when it is coming from your friend. I can tell you this for free but no one works harder than a friend trying to conceal their feelings of envy towards you. In fact, the lengths that some people are willing to go to try and cover up their antics is mind-boggling. I had someone go as low as point the envy finger at me when it was clearly the other way round lol honestly I can’t make this shit up.

It made perfect sense though and I actually don’t blame that person for trying to pin it on me. Who really wants to be known as the envious friend? I will be damned the day I scroll through Instagram and see someone openly out themselves as an envious person, but I know it will never happen. Most people choose to keep those kinds of feelings tightly under wraps, some might even take it to their grave. However, there are some people who can’t contain those feelings of envy towards their friends and no matter how hard they try, their mask will eventually fall off.

Below are some signs of an envious friend.

  • Passive aggressive backhanded compliments
  • Talks behind your back
  • Constantly competing with you
  • Imitation
  • Attempts to upstage you
  • Always bringing you down
  • Act super fake when you tell them some good news
  • Belittle you
  • Failure to acknowledge your achievements
  • Downplay your accomplishments
  • Never supports you

As obvious as these things are, they will most likely fly right over your head. When we are friends with a person we are often blinded by the things they do or say because we see them as our friends. So we constantly overlook their envious feelings towards us or make excuses for them. I know this to be true because I have been there before. I always used to make excuses for one friend by putting their many attempts of sabotaging me down to it just being a coincidence.

I was so blind sighted by the love and attachment I felt towards this person. My mum was not because called that person out for who they really are. It is funny how are mums can spot our envious friends long before we do.  Aunty Lorna constantly drummed it into me to watch the company that I kept. But despite all of my mum’s attempts to safeguard my brothers and I, each of us had to learn the hard way.

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A rare photo of an envious friend

Say it with your chest vs keep it moving

In my case imitating, competitive behaviour, and talking behind my back were just some of the things I had experienced. The competitiveness and imitating were probably the most draining out of the three. It got so bad to the point where it actually put me off the person. I will never forget when I voiced my concerns, other people would tell me I was overacting, being too sensitive and paranoid. I was even told that this person had no reason to be jealous of me because they come from ‘money’ and I did not. There is a downside to speaking out about your suspicions of an envious friend, there is a chance that others might not believe you.

If they do believe you they will most likely encourage you to not say anything or play it safe by ‘keeping your enemies close’. Maybe it is just me, but in my mind playing it safe with an envious friend will just contaminate the relationship. However, there are special circumstances where things are better left unsaid. If you know how a person is just deal with them accordingly without causing a fuss. Not addressing the issue or playing it safe can sometimes be the best form of action. But whatever path a person decides to take just know that the friendship will never ever be the same.

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For me personally, I am not interested in maintaining any friendship with someone who is envious of me. I have been there before, it is draining and you will never ever be able to trust that person in the same way again. I refuse to be a target of abuse at the hands of an envious friend it is not fair on me. It is a risk that I am not willing to take and trust me when I say you will never ever know where you stand with each other.

When I think of it, maintaining a relationship with an envious friend is kind of problematic. I can’t help but be reminded of that viscous acid attack that took place in the UK a few years ago. Naomi Oni was followed home after work by her friend Mary Konye. Disguised in a veil, Mary drenched Naomi’s face in acid, which resulted in severe facial burns and hair loss. During the trial, it was discovered that it Mary’s feelings of envy towards Naomi influenced her to carry out such a devious crime. Mary even accused Naomi of carrying out the attack on herself for social media fame. Can you imagine? wowu, this incident alone is a clear example of just how deadly envy can be. It is so deadly that it has the power to rip a friendship apart.

“Enemies disguise themselves with their lips, but in their hearts they harbor deceit. Though their speech is charming, do not believe them, for seven abominations fill their hearts. Their malice may be concealed by deception, but their wickedness will be exposed in the assembly.” –Proverbs 26:24-26

Where do we go from here?

I am not trying to turn you into the envious friend police, but I want you to be aware that this is a real thing and it can happen to any one of us. If a friend chooses to be jealous of you for whatever reason there is not much you can do to stop them. It is not our duty to patrol the feelings of our friends. We can not control anyone other than ourselves. Let’s face it as long as the sun rises in the sky every morning there is someone out there who will have feelings of envy towards their friends.

Uncle Bob Marley dropped a gem on us when he said: “Your worst enemy could be your best friend and your best friend your worst enemy”. If you ever find yourself in this position with a friend or a group friends, face the issue head-on,  try to find a solution if all else fail to go your separate ways. Do not allow it to linger in the background if it makes you feel some type of way.

Final words

Everyone in life is on their own journey; we are all operating at different frequencies to one another. it is no secret that all of us have the ability to be great, in our own special way. There is room for all of us to live the life we want and have the things that we desire. We just have to be prepared to put in the work for those things and wait our turn.  There is no need to be jealous of anyone especially your friends because it just causes unnecessary pain. A person who is envious of another has taken their eyes off themselves.

Being envious is not going to get you where you want to be in life any quicker. In fact, harbouring’s feelings of envious towards another person will only slow you down. It does more harm than good.  I am not trying to sound like an Instagram quote but envy truly is a disease and it robs people of fruitful friendships. No one is perfect, maybe you have been an envious friend in the past or you have been the person on the receiving end. No matter what your experience has been, I hope you take something fruitful away from this post.

Stay blessed

Lots of Love

Jenna

xoxo

PS – Please vote for my Travel & Lifestyle blog in the 2019 UK blog awards. You can vote for me as many times as you like as it only takes one click. I would love to win or at least make it to the final. Click here to vote and thank you in advance, I appreciate it. – Jenna’s World Viewimg_3479-edit

Solo Adventures in Barcelona

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It is no secret that I am yet to travel by myself, so you could only imagine the shock that I felt in Barcelona when Tiffany got food poisoning. I had no other choice but to go out and face the streets on my own. If I never got that extra push from Tiff I probably would have settled for chilling up on the rooftop bar upstairs in our hotel, but she insisted that I challenge myself. For my first ever solo adventure I chose to go and see the Barcelona Cathedral, it was close by and the journey seemed pretty simple.

All I had to do was get the train from outside my hotel and take it a few stops into Catalunya station. How hard could this task really be? I had been using the train system for the last couple days, so I was pretty sure I would be OK on my own. I said goodbye to my cousin and set off on my first ever solo adventure abroad. As I walked through the train station, all I could think about was my route to the Cathedral. I repeatedly kept going over it in my head just to make sure it stuck.

I emerged onto the platform with confidence and was welcomed with the usual smiles and stares. I was nervous but I kept telling myself that I could do this. If I gave off scared energy then I am pretty sure others would easily pick it up, so I just had to keep my cool. As I boarded the train with other eager passengers , I noticed a random guy smile at me. It caught me off guard but I politely smiled back and quickly put my head down. As I waited for my stop I could feel his eyes. Now you know I was thinking what in the world have I got myself into now?

I just remember thinking about all of the things I had read up online about not drawing attention to yourself when you are alone abroad. It was certainly going to be a hard task for me one because as a dark skinned woman on a train in Barcelona there is no way I would get overlooked. For the rest of that train journey I kept my eyes to myself.

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I came off the train at the right stop, thank God but I could not work out which was the best exit to take to the Cathedral. Frazzled with a confused look on my face I heard a voice from behind me say “are you lost”? to which I eagerly replied, “kinda, I am trying to work out which exit to the cathedral”. To my surprise It just so happened to be the guy who I exchanged a random smile with me lol.

Immediately he told me that he could tell that I was not from Barcelona, went he stopped me on the platform. I did not know if this was a compliment or was he targeting me to be his next kidnap victim. I gave him an awkward smile and quickly changed the subject back to the directions.

I soon came to realise this guy was cool so together we walked and talked as we made our way out of Catalunya station. Turns out he is not a local either, he was born in Germany and currently lives in Barcelona for his studies. I told him that I am a blogger from London with only a few hours left in the city.

I made sure to let him know that I was not in Barcelona alone. To which he offered to to take me out for a drink later on but I reminded him that I was on borrowed time so instead he walked me all the way to the cathedral

Michael had bright blue eyes that glistened in the sun with off blonde hair to match. Cute, but not my cup of tea, he said he would love to check out my blog, so we exchanged socials-and then said our goodbyes. Once he accepted me on Instagram it did not take me long to figure out that he liked hot chocolate and no I am not talking about the drink, lol

Outside of Barcelona Cathedral was busy and of course, the queue was long. I decided that I was not going to get fried in the sun waiting to gain entry. I sat under a tree in the shade read up about the history online. The back story behind the cathedral is rather intriguing. The Cathedral of the Holy Cross and Saint Eulalia was established in the 15th century.

Apparently, it is dedicated to Eulia a young Virgin who refused to dismiss Jesus as the son of God. Baby-girl got done dirty and it has been said that her body lies entombed in the Cathedrals crypt. Kinda creepy right? but there you have it. I must say the Cathedral freaked me out a little from the outside, so I am kind of glad that I did not go inside.

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As I sat back on the wall, a local guitarist played a soothing tune in my ears. I had a moment to sit back and really take in my surroundings. I looked at the faces of the people walking by in the square. I caught glimpses of conversations as they passed me by.

I no longer felt nervous but at ease. I do not know this feeling of comfortably suddenly came from but you would have never believed it was my first time going out on my own. This bubble soon burst when I asked a stranger to take some pictures of me. All of which came out terrible, as I reviewed my lop sided pictures it reminded me why I love having a travel buddy.

God was definitely looking out for me because J met a second person. A young lady named Jian from South Korea who just so happened to be doing some solo travelling herself . Jian morphed into my creative director and gave me a quick photoshoot of a lifetime outside the cathedral, lol. I loved her enthusiasm she was so friendly and bubbly, I can vividly remember the warmth of her smile even today.

Jian added me on whats app and told me anytime I was ready to come to South Korea give her a shout.WOW, can you believe a whole me was out in Barcelona making international connections? It did not stop there though, I even met a guy Mr Mews who is an Author of self help books from South London. It gets even more random because he just so happened to live up the road from me. You can check out his gratitude journal by clicking here.

I moved on from the Cathedral and found myself going deeper into Gothic Quarter. The placed is full of rich history and amazing architecture that dates back over 2000 years. It was great to see some of those medieval buildings still standing in 2018.

I stumbled across a dope art gallery  ‘Villa del Arte Galleries’ check out the pics below. If you didn’t know I am a lover of art, so fir me to come across this gallery really made my day, I was truly in my element.

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I somehow even managed to find myself in another Gelato shop and you already know that I had to have a taste. It was definitely much better than the place I visited with Tiff earlier in my trip but it could never beat what I tasted in Rome. If you are heading to Barcelona soon, do check it Gelarto Rosa.img_6748-1

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With every new street that I turned down, I found myself discovering something different and learning something new. Gothic Quarter just felt like one big mystery, I was drawn in by the authenticity of every building. I also popped into the Historical Archive of the City of Barcelona, the centenary archivist and cultural institution dating back to the 13th century.

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I had spent nearly three hours exploring the Gothic Quarters by myself. I engaged in random conversations, I browsed the shelves of unusual shops, I exchanged smiles with strangers but most importantly I was doing it on my own. The fear that I felt about going out by myself had become a thing of the past.

This one time made me feel like I had done this a thousand times before. For a short moment, I convinced myself I was alone in Barcelona on this solo adventure. It was not until Tiffany called to check up on me that I remembered that I was not alone. It felt surreal having this little piece of independence in another country. I knew that I certainly wanted to experience this again. For the entire day I kept roaming through the streets and turned down as many alleys as my heart desired.

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It really baffled me how reluctant I was to go out by myself in Barcelona without Tiffany. I eventually accepted the challenge, but I had to dig a little deeper to understand why I felt that way. To my surprise, the answer was to be found in an idd place.

My upbringing was very much responsible and had a major role to play. I realised that ever since I was a little kid I have always been very independent, but someone was always close by watching out for me from afar. When I first learned how to ride a bike my dad would hold firmly onto the saddle as I worked the peddles.

One day my dad finally let go but he trailed so close behind me that I was convinced he was still holding on. But he was not, he just stood close enough just in case I needed him. This has been the case for most of my life, my independence comes with a cushion of comfort.

I know that if I hit a rock in a hard place, someone will surely be there for. God has sent me help in the form of family, trusted friends and sometimes even strangers. But this solo adventure was dependent on me and me alone. I had to rely on myself to get around and find the way because there was no one standing close by ‘just in case.

It might sound Ludacris but in those few hours I spent alone exploring the streets of Barcelona, I tapped into a new level of independence that I did not know I had. This caught me off guard but that is one thing I do love about life it is far from predictable.

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I am so proud of myself and I loved that I got to experience that in such a fruitful city. Barcelona 2018 was absolutely amazing with so many unexpected twists and turns to make the trip even more memorable. I was pushed right out of my comfort zone but like a true champ, I arose to the occasion and did the damn thing. I do hope to visit Barcelona again in the near future and get a chance to experience the nightlife and the rest of what this great city has to offer.

Thank you so much for reading, I hope you enjoyed this mini spin-off of Free flow in Barcelona.24c23826-ac8c-4cfa-807d-800c060a1cc3-1

Stay Blessed

Lots of Love

Jenna

xoxo

Free flow in Barcelona

img_8741Travel Partner: @TheLovely_Tiff

Departed: Sunday 29th July 2018 @ 7.15pm

Airport: Heathrow (my favourite airport) terminal 3

Airline: British Airways with access to the first class lounge

Hotel: Catalonia Barcelona Plaza booked through booking.com

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Britain have Black Icons too

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Please note, I do not own the rights to the photographs used within this post. However, all views outlined below are my own.

Happy Black History Month to my UK peeps. October is our month to be even more boastful about the melanin in our skin. It is our time to shine so let’s not allow trolls or Wandsworth Councils ‘Diversity’ Month nonsense to get in our way.

Growing up in Britain one the figureheads in slavery and colonial history has not exactly been a walk in the park. It is kind of awkward knowing their colonial pursuits dismantled the nations of my forefathers. Yet here I am living in a now multi-cultural Britain, my oh my how times have changed. I can only commend those from the Windrush generation who came here and conquered the grounds in its original form.  If it was not for what they endured, ethnic minorities would not be able to live in Britain as they know it today.

The funniest thing is the majority of the Windrush generation did not plan to settle here but I thank God they did. Despite the misogyny, racism, and oppression that they faced upon entering “THEIR MOTHER COUNTRY” they managed to push through.70 years on and it is impossible for me to deny the way in which Black people have thrived in Britain. Although the success of Black Brits can sometimes be overlooked by our cousins in the United States. As I am now a little bit older, I have since come to understand, love and appreciate the black British experience. So in honour of BHM, I have decided to write up about some of my favourite Black icons who have made a significant impact here in the UK.

  1. Claudia Jones (21 February 1915 – 24 December 1964)

The Trinidadian born journalist and activist dedicated her life to standing up for racial justice. First in the United States as a member of the American communist party and then in the UK campaigning for the rights of West Indian immigrants. Claudia Jones was a woman of many strengths, she went on to establish the West Indian Gazette, the first black newspaper to hit the streets of Britain in 1958.

In addition to her other accolades, Claudia has crowned been as the Mother of the London Nottinghill Carnival. In a time where racial tensions were at an all-time high in Nottinghill riots, Jones was determined to tackle the issue head-on. By putting together a carnival celebrating West Indian Culture to unite the wounded community.

Many deemed this as an odd attempt to bring peace into a community where ‘no blacks, no Irish and no dogs” were the mantras. Claudia was definitely onto something because it helped bring people together and since 1959 the Notting Hill carnival has graced the streets of West London. It is now one of the biggest street parties in Europe, attracting tourists from around the world.

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I stan a true QUEEN

2. Olive Morris  (26 June 1952 – 12 July 1979)

In her young age, Jamaican born Olive Morris was a pioneer activist and feminist, who founded organisations such as Brixton’s Black Women’s group and co-founded the Organisation of Women of African and Asian Descent. If that was not enough Olive was an active member of the British Black Panther movement also.

Morris had a heart for the community and tirelessly campaigned for equality, the rights of black people and women. Sadly at the tender age of 27, she passed away from Cancer as a prominent black community leader who stood against police brutality and the oppression of Black people. Lambeth Council then went on to honour her by naming one of their central buildings after her in the heart of Brixton where she resided.

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3. Darcus Howe (26 February 1943 – 1 April 2017)

Leighton Rhett Radford ‘Darcus’ Howe was an outspoken social activist, writer and broadcaster originally born in Trinidad. Like both Claudia Jobes and OliveMorris, Darcus became a member of the British Black Panther movement in the 1970s. Howe is widely known for his part in a demonstration against the racially targeted police raids on the Mangrove a Caribbean restaurant in Notting Hill.

The peaceful demonstration was hijacked by Police which led to the arrests of Darcus and 8 others. This incident was then trialled at the Old-bailey, where Darcus and one other led the defence for the entire Mangrove nine. Together their council annihilated the prosecution as evidence of racial hatred was found on both sides of the argument which resulted in all charges being acquitted. Following this huge win, Howe went on to establish a Brixton based magazine, ‘Race Relations’ which became a voice for black political journalism and migration in Britain. Mr Howe continued to build an insightful broadcasting career, he has taken part in some compelling documentaries, tv shows, mini-series and political interviews.

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4. Diane Abbot

The first black woman elected into the House of Commons is enough for Aunty Di to be included in my list of Icons. Miss Abbot’s political career started in the early 80s elected as a Labour MP to Westminster City Council in 1982 and then Hackney and Stoke Newington in 1987 with a 75% majority. At present, she sits as the Shadow Home Secretary for the Labour party. Aunty Di is assertive and from time to time can ruffle a few feathers when she calls things how she sees them.

For the most part, the Black British community has the utmost respects for her because she speaks up for us whenever she gets the chance. Even when her stance goes against the majority. Sadly she has been subjected to heavy racial and sexist abuse since the beginning of her political career and in recent years this has only tripled. The level of hatred shown towards her from some members of the British public is quite frankly disgusting. Anyhow she is an icon in her own right and for that, she gets a Jenna’s world view Salute.

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5. Naomi Campbell

When I think of a Supermodel, Naomi Campbell is the first and only name that comes to mind. Born in Streatham, South London Naomi’s is Britain’s first black supermodel. A career that started at the age of 15 and has lasted over 30+ years. Naomi was a force to be reckoned with in a predominately white modelling industry.

Even though she has acquired much success within her career and walked the same runways as her white colleagues their pay grades were never the same. This is just one of many struggles Naomi has faced and spoken publicly about throughout her career. Despite all of these obstacles, Naomi has had longevity within the industry and even till this day she continues to work with some of the most prestigious powerhouses in fashion.

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6. Sir Trevor McDonald

Growing up and seeing this man on the evening news with his wide shaped glasses brought my household to a standstill. Whenever Uncle Trevor spoke the Queens English entwined with his crisp Trinidadian accent everyone knew to keep their mouths shut lol. The voice is so distinct you can recognise it with your eyes closed. It is without a doubt that he is one of Britain’s well known and most respected television broadcasters.

Let me also remind you that he is the first Black man in Britain to ever do it. In 1999 he was knighted for his services to Journalism and retired shortly after in 2005. From time to time he does TV specials and leads the crime and punishment documentaries on ITV. Sir Trevor McDonald is another well-respected Black Brit, big him up every time.

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8. Baroness Doreen Lawerence

Baroness Doreen Lawrence of Clarendon OBE is the mother of Stephen Lawerence who was murdered in a vicious racist attack in 1993. The words strong, resilient and determined come to mind whenever I hear her name. The death of Stephen led to Baroness’s long fight for Justice which uncovered the depths of institutional racism deeply woven into the genetic make-up of the Metropolitan police.

After many years of campaigning which ultimately destroyed her marriage and family life, Baroness was finally able to see two of the 5 assailants convicted for her son’s murder. The road to justice landed her an OBE and peerage as a Baroness for her services to the British. This year marked 25 years since the anniversary of Stephens death in April 1993, to which she gave her last ever TV interview.

Baroness Lawerence never gave up even when the odds were against her, because of her defiance the way murders are investigated in the UK has since changed. I had the pleasure of bumping into her once at London Bridge station one evening and in true Jenna mode, I screamed but then quickly got myself together lol. As I firmly held her hand in mine and shook it, I told her how much I respected her, she thanked me, smiled and went on her way. I will never ever forget that moment and I will forever admire her.

Jenna’s Final Thoughts

There is no doubt that since Black people arrived in the UK things have never quite been the same. Our presence has made an impact in this country during the time of our enslavement and more thereafter. The British Army, National health service, Royal Air Force and Transport for London are just of the organisations that would not be what it is today without the contribution of black people. With that being said it is impossible for anyone to downplay the influence Black people have had in British society.

Just look at the lives of the people that I mentioned above, they are all phenomenal individuals in their own right. As I was putting this post together I learned so many more things about individuals I was already aware of and those I knew nothing about. I truly wish my Black History lessons in school never shed light on some of the things Black people have done in Britain.

Did you know?

Olaudah Equiano (c.1745-1797) was the first black person to be employed by the British government.

West Indian Cricketer Sir Learie Constantine (21 Sep 1901 – 01 Jul 1971) was appointed as Britain’s first black Peer.

In 1999 Baroness Patricia Scotland former attorney general made British legal history by becoming the first black female QC (Queens’s counsel).

As a community, Black people have endured so much and despite systematic obstacles and sometimes their own shortcomings they have managed to press on. There is no denying that Black people in Britain have worked continuously to break those glass ceilings. With each generation going a little bit further than the one before. The new generation of black brits today are doing big things and it brings me great joy seeing them go on to higher heights.

However I say that to say this because although Black Brits have done and continue to do some amazing things. There are some areas within Black British community that I feel spits on the blood, sweat and tears of our elders. Knife, gun crime, gang culture and black on black violence seem to have taken up long-term residence. It hurts me to say this but I feel like these issues often overshadow our great achievements both past and present. It is bittersweet to watch one side of black Britain decay whilst the other side thrives. To me it almost feel like this dark grey cloud over our heads and no matter what good we do here, it continues to weigh ALL of us down.

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Anyway,  Happy Black History Month, how will you celebrate this October, let me know in the comments below?

“The moment we choose to love we begin to move against domination, against oppression. The moment we choose to love we begin to move towards freedom, to act in ways that liberate ourselves and others.” – bell hooks

PS – check out my Black History Month UK 🇬🇧 Pinterest board click here and follow me.

Stay blessed

Lots of Love

Jenna

xoxo

The Poison of Comparison

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This is imaged was sourced from Pexels.com!

Please note, I do not own the rights to the quotes used within this post. However, all views outlined below are my own.

Comparison

 is a

Joy killer

Peace thief

and

Happiness Assassin

Be careful not to get yourself caught up in comparing yourself to others. I know that this is easier said than done because most of us spend our time scrolling through social media. We are bombarded with the lives of others on a daily basis and it has become the new normal. The snapshots we see of other peoples lives can sometimes make us feel some type of way about our own. Everyone has compared themselves to others at some point in their life.

Most of us know that comparing yourself to others is not healthy, but from time to time we do indulge in it. It might start off small at first and you probably won’t notice that you are doing it and then suddenly it becomes a bad habit that you simply just can’t kick. It can lead to you developing negative feelings towards yourself and this can be very harmful.

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Comparing yourself to others is a deadly practice that will most likely leave you unmotivated, envious and upset. Abort mission immediately because all these kinds of feelings are just not worth the hassle.  Everyone in life is running their own race, at their own pace and on their own time. Try your best not to get caught up in watching others because it will prevent you navigating in your own lane. You can’t possibly live your best life if your eyes are peeled elsewhere.

When you come to understand the importance of time and the seasons of life, you will never compare yourself to another person again. Everyone’s walk on the earth is different. No two roads travelled will ever be the same and the quicker you realise this the better. It is ok to be inspired by others, just do not go as far as comparing yourself to them. The blogging world is amazing, with so many great bloggers out there doing great things that I would love to do. If I started comparing myself to them then you probably would not be reading this blog. I have come to know and accept that my life as well as my journey, is unique to me.

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The poison of comparison will ultimately affect your happiness, the way you see yourself and how you live your life. It does you no favours whatsoever, so please I kindly ask of you to stop indulging in this kind of behaviour immediately. It is totally not worth it Boo. Do not compare yourself to people on the internet and don’t you dare compare yourself to anyone you know in real life.

If you are looking at others peoples life and wondering why you do not have what they have or why you are not where they are, you are heading in dangerous territory. Comparing yourself to others will only damage the way you see yourself, your life and your blessings.

I know that this is not an easy thing to do, so if you find yourself sipping the poison of comparison again try to remember the following gems:

  1. Stay in your lane.
  2. If you are not happy, take those necessary steps to make changes.
  3. Do not beat yourself up because everyone is running their own race.
  4. The internet is a snapshot of highlights and that is all it will ever be
  5. Today for you, tomorrow for someone else
  6. Your time will come
  7. Do you
  8. Love you
  9. Focus on you

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Stay blessed

Lots of Love

Jenna

xoxo

The perks of having a Travel Buddy

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Solo travelling has taken off like never before. Nowadays both men and women are jetting off in pursuit of solo travel adventures oppose to bunching together in a group. It is the new in thing and by the looks of social media, this is a trend that is most definitely here to stay.

I am all here for it, even though I am yet to jet off solo. Yes, if you did not know, I am a solo travel virgin. I know I know I need to get out there and just do it. But there are so many great reasons attached to having a travel buddy that I am yet to jet off on my own. Before you start to tell me all the reasons WHY I should travel solo. Let me tell you about the perks that come with having a Travel buddy.

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  1. Two heads are always better than one

It is no secret that by yourself you are a movement. But like the saying goes you are more of a force when there are two of you together. I most definitely agree because when my travel buddy and I put our superpowers together it’s lit. I do not know what I would do if I did not have a travel buddy, because they are literally the brains behind the operations.

When it comes to finding the best place to stay, planning the itinerary and navigating around it definitely helps to have another person on board to help you figure things out. Together you both have different strengths that help you to bounce off each other. I assure you that you can never go wrong with having more brain power when you travel.

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Slaying & Sightseeing in Barcelona – August 2018

  1. The bomb ass pictures

In Rome earlier this year I nearly got kicked out of St Peters Basilica at Vatican city, lol. I was doing the absolute most, sprawled out on the antique floors trying to capture those money shots for Tiffany. Looking back now, that was totally inappropriate but hey I did what I had to do to get the best picture.

Now I know most solo travellers use a tripod to capture their pictures, but nothing can compare to the fun you both will have during those mini photo-shoots. Not to mention all of the lovely pictures that you two will get to add to your memory collection. It definitely beats relying on the photography skills of complete strangers who just don’t know your angles.

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Ziplining at Diamonte Eco Park – Costa Rica 2017

  1. Cost-effective

Jetting off with your travel buddy will most certainly save you some coins boo. It is no secret that when you divide the costs between two people, things work out slightly cheaper. Whether it is for a double room in a hotel or an entire Air BnB apartment, booking with a travel buddy will bring those costs down. In Costa Rica, Aaliyah’s and I saved much more money booking our excursions as a pair. Splitting travel expenses for things like transport and food help a great deal.   But don’t shoot the messenger, grab a buddy, book a trip and see for yourself.

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Playas De Coco – Costa Rica 2017

  1. Loneliness is impossible

I love my own company, I just also happen to love being in the company of someone else when I travel. I personally find it to be very comforting. I love being able to turn around at any time to strike up a quick conversation, catch some joke or just have a random moment. There also is this sense of safety and security between you and them. It feels good just knowing that you have a familiar face who is close by.

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All smiles at Trevi Fountain – Rome 2018

  1. Creating memories

The amounts of memories that I have created with my travel buddies over the years all hold a little special place in my heart. Memories do not live like people do, as they are powerful and most importantly they live on forever. There is nothing like doing something amazing on holiday and having someone there to experience that with. I find it hard to imagine what some of my past travel experiences would have been like if I did not have my travel buddy sharing it with me. There are some memories in life that are supposed to be experienced with others and travelling is definitely one of them.

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Snapchatting before seeing Drake – Berlin 2017

  1. Stronger friendship

Spending a significant amount of time with someone will make, break or strengthen the relationship. In my experience, most of my relationships have flourished for the better. Whilst travelling you really get the chance to learn much more about the other person and discover things about them that you probably never knew. The time you spend together will most definitely change the way you see each other, ultimately creating a deeper bond. Worst case scenario the relationship could be completely ruined but hopefully, it does not comes down to that lol.

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Having fun in Kiko – Miami 2016

For me, a Travel buddy is just as good as having a romantic partner and in my experience, they have been better for me than my ex-partners. Don’t believe me? read my post break up travel series. I can definitely say that I have been able to enjoy the perks of travelling in a pair and I plan to do more of thee trips come 2019. Some of my best moments within the last two years have happened with my travel buddies.

With everything in life come the pros and the cons. The pros of a Travel buddy will always outweigh the cons by a long shot. I am not a major fan of large travel groups but I will always be down to jet off on a new adventure with a plus one. All of the travels buddies that I have had over the last few years are unique in their own way and they all bring something different to the table.

Once there is a level of respect, understanding, love and strong communication between the both of you, the travels will most definitely be LIT. Travelling in a pair has been such a positive experience for me and with each new travel adventure, it just gets better and better. I am yet to have a dodgy experience and I pray that I never EVER have to, lol

I sure hope I have done a good job of convincing you to consider getting yourself a travel buddy. If you need some tips on how to choose one let me know and I will post my 10 traits of a good Travel Buddy.

Anyway enough about me, I want to hear from you, my #JWVreaders. Have you travelled with a buddy before? if so was it a good or bad experience? Tell me everything in the comments below or hit me up on Twitter @Jennasworldview

 

Stay Blessed

Lots of Love

Jenna

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Hair provided by Hermain hair

 

Post break up Travel (DSD special)

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The response to my Post break up Travel series was phenomenal. I am still baffled, that I was able to take you through the journey from finding out Intuition: A blessing in disguise to ultimately Connecting the dots in Costa Rica.

Many readers reached out to me over the course of the series with words of encouragement and disbelief. Some even shared their personal experiences of dealing with a break-up. All I can say is wow, never judge a book by it covers because you will be surprised by how many people have gone through the same things as you. This was the case for Jason and I, so it was only right that he wrapped up my post break up series with a special.

Enjoy

x

 

 

Reading Jenna blogs, I was drawn by her energy and I felt like I was reading a woman’s point of view about my life. So, when she asked me to conclude her “Post break up travel series” I had to get involved.

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When I got the email!

Breakups can be very brutal especially in long-term relationships.  You don’t socialise for weeks and you always got the tissues out drying those tears. I get it. I truly do! That’s exactly what I did. I was with someone for nearly 6 years and we were engaged for 8 months before she exposed herself to be cheating for half of our relationship with multiple guys. If we weren’t in the gardens of Canary Wharf,  I swear to God, I’d have done something I’d have regretted and a family would have been…

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You get my drift

Who’d have thought that someone who was a devoted Seven Day Adventist (and who had thoughts about waiting for marriage to sleep with anyone) could do something so spiteful and hurtful, let alone accept my marriage proposal? All those Friday nights of not seeing her because I thought she was at church preparing her songs for the next day. She was using her vocal cords alright, crying out for the Lord?

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I even remember going to the sexual health clinic like a week after she told me (I was too scared to go beforehand), she had been cheating and the doctor there was speechless to what I just exposed to him. You’d have thought that it’s something he’d come across on a regular basis. I was nervous to go because she apparently started cheating back while visiting family and friends back home in St Lucia. We all know sexual health isn’t as big back in the Caribbean unlike here. Thankfully, all results came back negative. One moment, you’re planning your life with someone to then be so lost and what to do next because you gave that person all that power even though they didn’t give a shit about you.

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I am not a woman but my ‘intuition’ was right about that woman but I couldn’t accept it, I chose not to accept it. Like Alicia Keys said, “Love is blind”. I now believe love is a two-way thing, she didn’t love me, otherwise, she wouldn’t have done what she did.

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Cheaters are scumbags. No debate

You can read my full blog on Cheating

I understand black men have this reputation of cheating and entertaining multiple women but I can safely say, I am not one of them. Once I am in a committed relationship, that’s it. One woman guy and that! Nevertheless, I find, Dating in 2018 is long

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Just like Jenna said in her Berlin blog, I had to give you A bit of backstory before I can tell you how I moved forward. Thankfully, I found travelling was also my remedy to get over the harsh break-up. It helped me clear my mind and speed up the emotional healing process. If you don’t know already, solo leisurely travel is a great and fun idea anyway. But when you’re trying to get away from the norm to think things thoroughly, everything I’d normally feel while I was trying to heal at home just felt 10 times better and had more of a meaning. If you can walk the streets of Frankfurt, Germany alone as a hooded black man, you should be able to feel confident in conquering any tasks, right?

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Being away with my phone on Airplane mode, so no-one could contact me was beautiful. I was country hopping (Malta and Austria) and no-one even knew my whereabouts or what I was getting up to. I only flew back to London because my friend was moving across the globe with her now husband and she had a night out to celebrate. I’d still be out there now if I had a choice tbh.

Travelling makes you grow and trust me I’ve grown from my experiences. I understand travelling alone can be scary but there are operators that cater especially to solo travellers. I’ve never used them but it can be handy if you need some help to discover a new country and fantastic adventures. For women travellers, there are of course challenges and dangers, I understand there are scumbag men who might prey on you because you’re alone in another country but just be aware of your surroundings, stay alert and you should be good.

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This might sound mad, but I am happy I had to go through the above because it made me who I am today. This confident, fun loving, Darkside Don.

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Check out my blogs @ jason-rt.com

If you would like to keep up with Jason, please, please, please check out his blog. Jason is one of my favourite male bloggers, he writes from a Raw place, with absolutely no filter. On more than one occasion he has left me thinking, well damn! I love that he is relatable and it always great to hear a man perspective on things like relationships, especially sensitive topics like cheating.
It is no secret that women are more vocal when it comes to talking openly about their experience of cheating. Women are so vocal to the point, where I almost forget that it can happen to Men too and it does. I loved how just like me, Jason used Travel as a way to help him get over the madness of his break-up and come out stronger on the other side. Who knew that using Travel for personal therapy could be so powerful and have endless benefits?
Anyway, I hope you enjoyed this guest post, just as much as we enjoyed collaborating together.  Have you used TRAVEL as an escape in the past? if so where did you go and in what ways did it help you and your situation? let me know in the comments below or you can reach out to us on Twitter @Jason_R_T me  @Jennasworldview
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Stay Blessed
Lots of Love
Jenna
xoxo