The wall that came down in Berlin

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FINALLY, the first blog in my Post Break up Travel series is here! Sorry to keep you waiting for so long Boo, but the timing to release it just hasn’t been right, until now. Before I dive all the way in, I hope you have read Intuition: A blessing in disguise and The Aftermath because they are the starters that you need to digest before getting stuck into the mains. DO NOT start this series if you are yet to read them. Catch up, and then meet me back here so I can give you the 411.

When I decided to start my post break up travel series, I did not plan to tell you how I ended up there. I mean it’s not easy airing out your dirty laundry for others to see. However, something did not seem right about starting this series so abruptly with no backstory. So it was only right for me to give you some substance behind it, even if it that required me to show you one of my biggest scars. The first stop of the journey takes us to Berlin, the capital of Germany, full of culture, history and politics.

Enjoy x

At the end of The Aftermath, I let you know that I took Lola up on her offer to see Drake perform on his Boy meets world tour. Since the opportunity to see Drake had presented itself to me a second time around, I felt heavily compelled to pursue this concert. At the time, I was constantly chasing the highs, so this trip just seemed like the perfect hit. Sadly, for me with the highs certainly came the lows and I was going through a crazy cycle. I committed to things that gave me a buzz without a proper thought, then abandoned them when it was time to follow through. I won’t begin to tell you just how much money I wasted on Eventbrite, buying tickets for events, to then never show up.

Everything felt like an effort for me and I had adopted a nonchalant attitude to life in general. I practically looked and felt like Eeyore from Winnie the Pooh. It was a rollercoaster of emotions, plus I wasn’t doing myself any favours, because paperwork on my ex-was still coming across my desk. I know, I should have been turning it away, but you know what they say about curiosity killing the cat, lol. Seeing pictures of the ‘happy couple’ with my ex-smiling like a Cheshire cat wearing the clothes that I paid for, was enough to send me over the edge. I have to keep it all the way 100 with you, in the early post break up days, seeing them together made my blood boil. My ex- had given me bun without cheese plus tax and VAT. It was VERY painful for me to see and that added even more fuel to my hurt and confusion.

I can confidently say that I experienced every emotion known to mankind, but at that point, the Anger in me reigned sovereign. I should not have been concerned about what he was keeping up with, but again it was a struggle. I still found it hard to let him go and it only added more salt to my open infected wounds. My ex- appeared to be living his best life, whilst I wasted away in the dumps. By the time it came around for me to head off to Berlin, I didn’t even want to go. However as I was in so much despair, the desperation to get out of London was real.

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Can you believe this was my luggage for Berlin?

Prior to Berlin, I had gone MIA. No whats app DP and minimal activity on the socials. People were trying to see me but I honestly stopped replying to most messages. So when it was time to fly out, I reappeared on the scene as if nothing had ever happened. Human beings are funny. We will go above and beyond to convince others that we ‘are ok’ rather than actually being ok. I spoke about this in The Cost of Living a lie but my reasons were only to disguise the true depths of my turmoil. In the process of trying to convince others, you end up convincing yourself. Sometimes the lies feel more comforting than facing the truth of your situation.

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Stepping on Berlin soil, honestly felt like a breath of fresh air for me. Lola and I stayed at the RIU hotel in Alexanderplatz in Mittie, one of the busiest places filled with shops, restaurants, cinemas and popular attractions within walking distance. We arrived just after 12pm, checked into our hotel and then decided to hit the streets. The concert wasn’t until 9pm, so we had enough time on our hands. Being in Berlin was definitely an instant mood lifter for me. I instantly fell in love with the place and I felt like I was in my own world.

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I loved being in a new place and that feeling of being unknown was soothing. Back home in London I had been feeling very suffocated, not to mention exposed. The breakup lifted the floorboards up off the relationship with my ex, which required me to open up and let in my family and friends. Everyone now had a voice which came with an opinion. It wasn’t like this in Berlin though, there were no loud voices or opinions anymore. For the first time in a long time, I could actually hear myself think and I started to tune back into my own frequency. Lola and I spent a few hours in the town, we shopped, we ate and spoke with the locals. After a while, we headed back to our hotel to prepare to see Drizzy.

Lola is another key player within Jennas World, our friendship started at secondary school but flourished throughout our 20s. My Lola looks fabulous, you would never know that she is actually 3 years older, but she is and she is one of my Big sister figures. I really commend Lola because dealing with a friend with emotions that changed by the click of a finger is not easy. Even flying to another country with me in the emotional state that I was, was a huge risk. I was a rollercoaster of emotions even before the concert but somehow she managed to keep me in good spirits. Lola knows me pretty well and she knew that if she put a camera in front me, I will perform, lol. Please see the evidence below, I even managed to snag some bomb ass selfies too.

Some of you may say heartbreak looks good on me because my pain is undetectable in these snaps, lol. I can assure you, I did not feel as good as I looked. After taking photos for nearly an hour, we headed out to the concert which was located in the Mercedes Benz Arena. It had started raining, we were running late and I felt a meltdown coming on. I started to hyperventilate and think of all the worse things that would cause us to miss this concert, but thank God we made it on time.

We managed to secure standing tickets, I remember when the doors to the Arena opened I became ecstatic. Suddenly, I  looked around and began to see so many people, I instantly felt a buzz, that sent a sensation through my entire body. As if things could not get any better? Popcaan was the opening act, this being a surprise to me, sent me into a frenzy. I know I probably messed up many peoples snapchat videos, but I got my entire life. I was beaming on an instant high and I couldnt stop smiling because it honestly felt so good. I had not felt like this in months, so I just held on to it and lived in that moment. I even made friends with randoms. Drakes performance sealed the night and I left that concert in a much better way than I came in.

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I came to Berlin with one goal and one goal only, to see Drake and go home. I wasn’t interested in doing much sightseeing. We both just wanted to see the Berlin wall and eat dinner at the TV tower, but things did not quite go to plan. Lola and I started to get ready to head out and I don’t know how it happened but we ended up having a heart2heart. We stood side by side in this black tiled bathroom, Lola was doing her makeup and I was doing my hair.

It was like one of those Big sister, little sister moments that you see in the films. We had a deep heart-wrenching conversation that I didn’t even know I needed. There were no tears involved, just home truths that spoke to my soul. There are some words that will be spoken to you within your lifetime that will leave a lasting impression on you. For me, that conversation will certainly be one of them. Something in me was moved by the words of my friend in that moment. After months of repeated conversations with close friends and family members, the wall finally came down. I knew that I had to accept things for what they were and even though it was not going to be easy, I couldnt continue on in my current state.

I believe God works in mysterious ways and I feel as though he set me up and lured me all the way to Berlin just so I could have this conversation with Lola. Think about it, Lola and I could have had this convo over some wings of fire at Satay Bar. It wasn’t a coincidence or by chance that this trip happened. It wasn’t even about seeing Drake. It was about me getting away from the noise back home in London to be able to recognise that it was time to look ahead to my future. I did not plan for that nor did I see such a revelation coming, but life is such a funny thing, we never know what is coming around the corner. I am thankful that somehow the words of my friend when I least expected it was able to pull me up out of the floods.

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God knows who to send into your life, you just have to trust him.

After an eventful day filled with therapy, sisterhood and soul-searching, we finally made it out to the Berlin wall. Most of which has now been removed, but we managed to grab a few snaps of the remains. Check it out below.

Whewww Chile, the controversy!!! LOL

We didn’t end up making it to the TV tower for dinner, instead, we wandered the streets of Berlin until the day turned to night. Together we explored the city, by taking in the views, speaking to locals and moving to the beat of our own drum. By accident, we came across a lovely Thai place and had dinner and cocktails. Sadly I can’t remember the name of that place, so I can’t share the deets. Our dinner sealed the evening and although the day was far from what I expected, I am glad that everything came together in the way that it did. To watch a mini Vlog of my Berlin Trip, check out on my Facebook page it is nothing fancy, I tried a thing, lol.

Berlin was a turning point for me, things appeared as though they were looking up but do you think I was able to keep the same pace by the time I arrived in Santorini?

Click here to find out what happens on part 2 of my post break up travel series.

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Lots of Love

Jenna

xoxo