Please note, I do not own the rights to the quotes used within this post. However, all views outlined below are my own.
Be careful not to get yourself caught up in comparing yourself to others. I know that this is easier said than done because most of us spend our time scrolling through social media. We are bombarded with the lives of others on a daily basis and it has become the new normal. The snapshots we see of other peoples lives can sometimes make us feel some type of way about our own. Everyone has compared themselves to others at some point in their life.
Most of us know that comparing yourself to others is not healthy, but from time to time we do indulge in it. It might start off small at first and you probably won’t notice that you are doing it and then suddenly it becomes a bad habit that you simply just can’t kick. It can lead to you developing negative feelings towards yourself and this can be very harmful.
Comparing yourself to others is a deadly practice that will most likely leave you unmotivated, envious and upset. Abort mission immediately because all these kinds of feelings are just not worth the hassle. Everyone in life is running their own race, at their own pace and on their own time. Try your best not to get caught up in watching others because it will prevent you navigating in your own lane. You can’t possibly live your best life if your eyes are peeled elsewhere.
When you come to understand the importance of time and the seasons of life, you will never compare yourself to another person again. Everyone’s walk on the earth is different. No two roads travelled will ever be the same and the quicker you realise this the better. It is ok to be inspired by others, just do not go as far as comparing yourself to them. The blogging world is amazing, with so many great bloggers out there doing great things that I would love to do. If I started comparing myself to them then you probably would not be reading this blog. I have come to know and accept that my life as well as my journey, is unique to me.
The poison of comparison will ultimately affect your happiness, the way you see yourself and how you live your life. It does you no favours whatsoever, so please I kindly ask of you to stop indulging in this kind of behaviour immediately. It is totally not worth it Boo. Do not compare yourself to people on the internet and don’t you dare compare yourself to anyone you know in real life.
If you are looking at others peoples life and wondering why you do not have what they have or why you are not where they are, you are heading in dangerous territory. Comparing yourself to others will only damage the way you see yourself, your life and your blessings.
I know that this is not an easy thing to do, so if you find yourself sipping the poison of comparison again try to remember the following gems:
Stay in your lane.
If you are not happy, take those necessary steps to make changes.
Do not beat yourself up because everyone is running their own race.
The internet is a snapshot of highlights and that is all it will ever be
During the months leading up to my trip to Costa Rica, I stumbled across a powerful message from Pastor TD Jakes. The words “Nothing just happens” jumped out to me, and grabbed my attention.I pondered on it and began to reflect on my own situation. As a result, my perspective on the break-up did a complete 360. The message went on to say “nothing just happens and anything that does happen happens for a reason”. The funny thing is, I heard this message months ago, I was just not in the best place to receive it. Like Drake, I too spent a lot of time being in my feelings and was unable to see the bigger picture.
Time really does heal all, because I no longer saw the break-up as something negative, but necessary. In a weird way, I found closure and comfort in Pastor TDJakes message. It silenced all of those ‘what if’ questions that had taken up residence in my head. I now found myself at a true place of acceptance. Acceptance of what was, what remained and what was to be.
If I had not been so resistant, I would have been able to check out of Heartbreak hotel a lot sooner. But in life, nothing ever happens before the appointed time. By changing the way I looked at the break-up, it allowed me to give birth to a new me. I was no longer the victim that I had allowed myself to become. The best feeling in the world is when you arise from the dust that once consumed you.
Things quickly turned around for me as I went on to enjoy one of the best summers of my life to date. I truly lived my best life making the most of my summer days. I was on a roll and did not want to slow down. My trip to Costa Rica was at the end of the summer and I promised myself that I would recharge once I got out there. But not before I ran two last laps at the London Notting Hill Carnival. It was a great way to kiss goodbye to summer. Especially since my brother and I unexpectedly landed a live TV interview on Sky news during the parade. O M G – I never imagined something like that would happen to us, lol. Check out the interview below.
Catch flights, not feelings
Running on 3 hours sleep the day after carnival, I set off on an 11-hour flight to Costa Rica with my cousin Aaliyah. I was so excited because I had never been to that part of the world before and it was our first ever trip together. Spending two whole weeks in Costa Rica does not come around often, so we were both determined to make the most of it.
After surviving my first 11-hour flight, Aaliyah and I checked into Hotel Riu Palace Costa Rica in Guanacaste. As we arrived, we were welcomed with a champagne/cocktail reception. You know I have a slice of Boujee in me, so this type of welcome was right up my street. I was all smiles because, within a few months, I went from passing out at work due to the stress of the break-up to sipping champagne in Costa Rica. What a way those tables turned and my oh my it sure did feel good. Our hotel had all the trimmings, 24-hour service, spa facilities, Wi-Fi, 4 restaurants, entertainment, two pools and an on-site photographer. We even had access to the sister hotel across the street.
There is no such thing as a coincidence
During our first few days, we wasted no time getting comfortable. We spent most of our mornings by the pool, chilling, snapping and sipping on our favourite cocktails. Aaliyah and I had become very popular at our hotel because of our distinctive British accents. The staff loved us and always went above and beyond to ensure that we were well looked after. Things were only about to get better once we discovered a Black Travel group had checked into our hotel.
We were super hyped to see a group of Black travellers and wasted no time finding out who they were. I love meeting new people on holiday, so I was happy to go mingle with the new guests. Aaliyah and I walked right over to the tallest person in the group, Ricky he was as tall and brown as the bear from Bear in the big blue house. Ricky who was the group’s leader, was cool, calm, loved our British accents and invited us to hang out later to meet the full crew.
Every year for labour day weekend, the crew who are based in America travel to a new country to explore and party. SAY WHAT NOW? this blew my mind because out of all of the places in the world, we all ended up together in Costa Rica. What was even crazier was that Aaliyah and I were supposed to go to Aruba but somehow ended up booking Costa Rica instead. Now if you have followed this post break up travel series you already know, that there is no such thing as a coincidence when it comes to me, lol. With the arrival of our new guests, it was clear that our time in Costa Rica was about to be lit.
Within 24 hours it was as if the hotel had been hijacked. Everywhere you turned, all you could see were our melanin faces. One thing I love about being Black is we always tend to flock together come rain or shine. It was such a beautiful sight to see and felt even better to be a part of. We truly brightened up the place and it caused other hotel guests to want to be down with the clique, lol. I had never experienced something like this before. I loved it, plus everyone in the group treated Aaliyah and I like their little sisters since we were the only two people in their 20s.
Our day parties by the pool were literally some next level shit. Just think of the pool party scenes in the ‘Juicy‘ music video by Notorious BIG. It was such a vibe and every day our laughs got louder. The atmosphere was just filled with good vibes only, nothing more and nothing less. I remember getting messages from people back home on snapchat asking me who these people were lol. Overnight Aaliyah and I had been sworn into this new travel family and they never left us out of any of the fun. We hung out during the days, had dinner in the evenings and partied throughout the night. It seemed like my plan to recharge was taking a detour. But that is the funny thing about life, it always turns out better than the way we plan.
Chase the adventures
Our hotel was literally in the middle of nowhere, so we made plans to do things off the hotel complex. We hopped on a local bus into one of the oldest beach communities in Costa Rica, Playas de coco. When I ran out onto the beach and saw how beautiful the scenery was, I became very emotional. I realised that in order for me to be where I stood, I had to go through all that I did. I had come such a long way and even though I did not understand why the break up happened the way it did. I knew that it served a greater purpose.
This just reiterated the Nothing just happens message that I heard a few months earlier. Sometimes in life things may happen to you and you may never know why. You just have to trust and believe that things all things will work together for your good. I don’t know why but in Costa Rica, everything just seemed to make a lot more sense to me.
Costa Rica is known for its tropical beaches, wonders of nature and Caribbean influenced culture. Aaliyah and I wanted to make sure we got to experience it, so we spent about $300 each for three days of excursions. One of my Jenna’s Travel philosophies that I truly live by is ‘there is no price tag on experience, so spend whatever is necessary‘.
The first excursion we did was the open Catamaran Ocean tour. I love ocean water because it has so much healing benefits and I always feel a sense of peace whenever I am around it. Sailing along the gold coast was refreshing. It is not something you get to do on a regular basis, so I took the time out to really enjoy it. I channelled my energy and took in the natural views of the ocean. It was peaceful, but very short-lived because I was eager to get my body into the water and go snorkelling. You already know that your girl is unable to swim, so I had to be accompanied by an instructor. There is no shame in my game though, I put on my protective gear and went out into the water like a G.
Feel the fear and do it anyway
The next stop on the list for Aaliyah and I was a day tour at the Vandara Hot springs and adventure. This included a 10 lap Zip-line tour, horseback riding, waterslide and the Vandara Hot Springs. Unknown to Aaliyah I secretly planned to skip the ziplining. The truth was, I did not think I was capable of doing it. But I did not want to tell my little cousin that I was feeling inadequate because of self-doubt. The break-up had bruised my confidence and as a result, I had been questioning myself and my capabilities. I somehow convinced myself that the failure of the relationship was a reflection of me. Now I do not know how I came up with that bullshit, but there I was, lol. I had internalised the break-up in such a way, that it made me forget who the fuck I was.
There I stood tweedling my thumbs, feeling petrified and contemplating whether or not to go through with it. Aaliyah took one look at me and said: “Jen, you have come too far to turn back now boo. You have nothing to be afraid of, you can do this”. There were no lies told because she was right, I was capable of doing anything that I put my mind to. The break-up did not define me and I had to stop letting what happened in my past, stop me from moving forward. I had to start undoing the damage and this moment was the perfect opportunity to make a start.
I thought to myself it is what it is at this point, let do this. So I strapped myself up and completed 10 full zip line laps. It gave me an instant adrenaline rush, that boosted my energy as well as my confidence. I was so proud of myself for going through with it. I proved my self-doubt wrong and I felt like a Baddie. People can encourage you, uplift you and tell you that you are capable of doing great things, but if you do not believe it for yourself, it means nothing.
God makes no mistakes
I spent the rest of my time in Costa Rica reflecting. I thought about the girl that I once was and I thought about the woman that I was becoming. I felt inspired more than ever to get my blogging journey off the ground. I told myself that I when I got home, I would create a website for #Jenna’sWorldView. Costa Rica spoke to me in many ways and I really wanted to share more about my travel journeys. I also felt very eager to go out into the world to seek new experiences. Travelling has opened me up in such a way that has changed my perspective on myself, life, love and the world.
I never thought that I would ever end up visiting Costa Rica. I never imagined that I would be single at this age either, but hey life comes at you fast. My post-break-up travel journeys were filled with many highs and of course some lows. I travelled to escape my reality. Yet, with every country that I visited, I had no choice but to face it head-on. Most people say that after a break-up you must take time out to go find yourself. But the truth was, I was never lost, I just needed to be broken in order to uncover the hidden layers within me.
Anything that happens to us in life will never be wasted. Everything and everyone serves a divine purpose that only pushes you further into your destiny. I have no regrets, hate or anger in my heart because I now understand that in order for new things to come together, old things must fall apart.
Thank you to my vocal and silent readers for keeping up with my Post-break-up travel series. When it all started, I had no clue about how it would all play out. Giving you a glimpse into my past challenged me in ways that I never imagined. Although the wounds have healed, the scars still remain. I no longer hide them because I wear every scar with pride and gratitude.
Many times, I questioned whether I made the right decision bringing this series to light. I have now come to know that although it was painful, it needed to be endured, in order to be shared. Use my experience as an example, take from it what you will remember God knows best and life GOES on.
To follow the full journey from the beginning, click below:
If you follow me on the socials, you should have noticed that I have started promoting my #PostBreakUp travel series. 2017 was a great year of travel for me, who knew that heartbreak could take me so far, lol. It didn’t feel right for me to take you through my trips to Berlin, Santorini & Costa Rica, without giving you some insight into how I ended up there in the first place. I have to take you back a bit, so grab some snacks and get comfy.
Being the only girl child at home, I spent a lot of time around my mum (Hey Aunty Lorna). I don’t think it was intentional, but that’s just how it was. I was like her handbag, wherever she was, you would always find me close by. With that being said, I saw a lot and I heard much more.
Instead of watching cartoons, I would be in the company of my Mother and other knowledgeable women. I spent countless hours sitting on their laps, hanging on to their every word as they exchanged life stories. Some of the things that my Mother & these women experienced within their romantic relationships should be shared via book deals and movies. Every one of their scars came with a different story and I learned something new, each time I listened. It was through those same conversations, where I first heard about something called ‘Intuition’.
Intuition : The ability to know something without analytic reasoning based soley on a gut feeling.
Each woman who shared their story talked about ‘intuition’ with the utmost respect. It led some to the front doors of their husband’s mistress. Whilst others uncovered children from outside the relationship. Apparently, intuition had the ability to keep them up late at night, eating away at their conscious until they responded to the call. Many described intuition as a gut feeling, that pushed them to do some crazy things without telling them why. No two stories that I ever heard about intuition were ever the same. Whether these women responded to their intuition or not, there was always a consequence to whichever path they decided to take.
A majority of the things that I heard my mum and her girlfriends discuss didn’t make much sense to me when I was younger. I just enjoyed being amongst the women and listening, because it filled the void of not having that much girly company around. Although those conversations didn’t make much sense to me at the time. It would soon prove to be of great value once I blossomed and came into my own. I didn’t realise just how much I absorbed just from listening to big women have real, raw, and honest conversations about the power of their intuition until it was time for mine to be put to the test.
A year before my seven-year relationship came to an end, I randomly came across the girl my ex-cheated on me with via Facebook. I can remember the day so clearly because I was just browsing and there she was. It was so random but when I look back now, I can tell you that was supposed to happen. Up until that point, I didn’t even know that she existed but after scrolling through her Facebook pictures I made the connections and that was that, or so I thought.
This same individuals file came across my desk again, but this time around I was to give her my full attention. Up until this day, I find it difficult to describe the way my spirit was so suddenly drawn to her. I believe it was more spiritual than anything because this girl was a stranger but the sight of her made my spirit unsettled. Whenever I looked at her pictures my gut feelings were always trying to communicate something to me, but sadly I couldn’t interpret what I was being told. So as a result, I suffered.
I heard my mum say once that if you ignore your intuition ‘it ah go mad yuh’( basically send you crazy) and she didn’t lie. I wasn’t even in sync with my intuition like that, so how was I supposed to understand what was being told? How was I suppose to crack those secret codes? I was so scared about what I might find out on the other side, to the point where I tried to bury it in the back of my mind. The more I tried to ignore those signals from my intuition, the louder they got. I couldn’t put them on mute even if I tried.
I know you are probably thinking, why didn’t I just confront my ex and ask him once and for all. I did eventually but even that wasn’t easy. I was a professional at ignoring negatives feelings that I found difficult to communicate. I mastered those skills during my childhood and sadly it trailed right into my adult life. As silly as this sounds, I didn’t know how to scream if something was wrong. Even within that relationship, I suppressed a lot so when it all came crashing down I am not surprised that I went down with it.
I went to four people before I approached my ex about him cheating on me. My little brother was the first and my mum was the last. I wrestled with this from February and it was now half way through May. I know you are probably cursing me out right now, but there were so many other factors that played a part in me not speaking up earlier. The person he cheated on me with was a family member, so it’s not like I could be out in the streets throwing around those type of sleazy accusations.
What was I going to do?, invite him over for dinner and say ‘hey babe my intuition told me you were cheating on me with your cousin, can you just clear that up real quick?’ Do you know how crazy I would have looked if that turned out to be untrue? This was why I was so conflicted. This was why I wouldn’t risk taking my intuition seriously. My intuition was trying to lead me down some sick twisted roads and I’m not really good with directions.
I eventually asked him about her and it is so funny because when I look back now it was obvious my intuition had been leading me to the truth all along. As I type this, I can still see the expression that he had on his face at that moment. As a woman, you want assurance from your man that everything is safe and secure. I wanted him to shut down my doubts and he did, then he flipped the script on me and made me feel guilty for questioning our unit. It was the first time in my life when the opposite sex made me feel small.
I felt very dumb. Especially when he went on to ask me if I was insecure and did I really trust him? It didn’t stop there, he started reminding me of how strong our foundation “was” as a couple. My ex-started preaching. Talking about how we had been through too much together and we have come from so far, for him to ever disrespect me in such a way. I can’t lie, he put forward a good case and it was exactly what I wanted to hear. It was what any woman would have wanted to hear. We hugged each other in silence for about 15minutes after and that was that, or so I thought.
Steve Jobs said it best, that our intuition is more powerful than our intellect, and I have no grounds to disagree. Even when I didn’t know, even when I didn’t understand things my intuition did. I never took the time to get to know my intuition prior to this experience. Its a bit like buying a top gadget, but you don’t use it for long enough to uncover all of its features. I didn’t know myself as well as I thought I did. I didn’t know how to tap into my intuition and I was far from knowledgeable on how to cultivate a connection. I never really listened to the sound of my inner thoughts properly. I never really took care of myself, because I was always dismissing my feelings. I was very confused and I couldn’t trust my own intuition because I didn’t really know what my intuition was all about. I missed the signs on numerous occasions and I dismissed the signals because the truth was I wasn’t really listening. I would soon come to regret this when the truth finally came to light.
You see when it all came crashing down and the truth was finally revealed months down the line that my intuition was right all along, it broke me in an instance. All the dots were finally connected. I remember sitting in the car with him and I couldn’t stop screaming, it’s like my inner voice was finally free. Everything just started to make sense now. I wasn’t going crazy. My intuition wasn’t leading me astray or trying to ruin my relationship or my life. My intuition tried for so long to open me up the truth, its a shame I didn’t realise it sooner. My intuition was actually a blessing in disguise. Nearly two years on and I finally see it now.
I have shared this with you before but mum has always told me that you have to burn to learn and she ain’t never lied. I stood by helplessly as my ex- torched me and the total existence of our relationship to the ground. 7 years up in flames, with no bridges to cross back over. As much as I burned, I learned some valuables life lessons during the fire. There’s nothing like real life experience and although it was bittersweet, my break up established the connection between me and my intuition. Reading about it in a book, wouldn’t have got the job done, it was ordained for me to experience it in real time.
I made a vow to myself on the day I found out about the cheating, that I would never ever dismiss my intuition ever again. When it speaks to me now, I listen. When it sends me a signal, I don’t ignore it. When my intuition communicates to me about things and individuals, I don’t second guess it. I move when my intuition tells me to move. What has since occurred in my life post break up is an example of my intuition and me being as one. The moves that I make, the people that I connect to and the travelling that I do, is a result of me simply listening to my intuition.
Never in a million years did I think that something like that would have happened to me, but it did and I survived to tell the tale. One thing I know for sure now is that Intuition is a life skill that is required for survival. I encourage you to take the time out and let your intuition guide you. Listen closely. Pay attention to the signs and work on establishing that connection. Don’t ignore it and don’t ever dismiss yourself. If something or someone feels wrong and you can’t put your finger on it, chances are it probably is.
With that being said, I look forward to taking you through my Post break up Travel series. To read what happened next, click here and once you have digested that, the first stop will be in Berlin.
You really don’t want to miss this one. To stay in the loop with all my new blog posts, you can subscribe by following me on WordPress. If you are on the socials platforms you can find me on Twitter, Instagram and Facebook @JennasWorldView.
Life has a funny way of backing you up against the wall & it is in those very moments where we discover things about ourselves. Whether that be our fears,weaknesses or strengths, life will teach you a thing or two about who you are and what you are made of.
The Oxford dictionary simply defines “fearless”as showing a lack of fear, plain and simple, there is nothing more or nothing less to add to it.
You see now you know what it means, ask yourself how do you plan to live “fearless” in 2018 and beyond?
At some point in our life we are going to have to face our biggest fears, whether or not we want to. For me, my biggest fear in life is FAILURE and it is one of the main reasons why it has taken me so long to get #JennasWorldView up and running.
Our past experiences, mistakes and failures can sometimes act as a barrier and stop us from moving forward. We do not realise it, but sometimes we are our own worst enemy; as we place limitations on ourselves, through the words that we speak and the negative thoughts that we let take residence in our minds. If that wasn’t enough, our family, friends, and even our partners may be the ones feeding our fears with doubt and discouragement.
I challenge you today to take a closer look at ONE thing in your life that is causing you to be fearful. It doesn’t matter what it is, big or small, I want you to tackle whatever this thing may be. Start to work at it until you no longer feel overwhelmed, scared or fearful.
Step out of that comfortable place, go on that date, quit that job, sign up to the gym, write that business plan, end that relationship, book that trip, try something new, whatever it is, #BeFearless and do it anyway!
If you want to experience life in a new way you are going to have to do something that you have never done before. I encourage you today to challenge yourself to #BeFearless in one or multiple different areas of your life. I promise you that you will begin to see radical changes and suddenly things will start to fall in to place.
Remember your thoughts become things, so be mindful of what you let (in and protect your psyche) play around in your mind. What you think about turns into words, so you if you think about fear and speak about fear, then I am 99.9% sure that fear will show up.
Today, I decided to get radical with my destiny and #BeFearless, I am beginning my Travel & Lifestyle blogging journey.
May this inspire you to step out of self-doubt and #BeFearless today.
Please do share your #BeFearless stories with me & don’t forget to follow us on Instagram @JennasWorldView