Many readers reached out to me over the course of the series with words of encouragement and disbelief. Some even shared their personal experiences of dealing with a break-up. All I can say is wow, never judge a book by it covers because you will be surprised by how many people have gone through the same things as you. This was the case for Jason and I, so it was only right that he wrapped up my post break up series with a special.
Reading Jenna blogs, I was drawn by her energy and I felt like I was reading a woman’s point of view about my life. So, when she asked me to conclude her “Post break up travel series” I had to get involved.
When I got the email!
Breakups can be very brutal especially in long-term relationships. You don’t socialise for weeks and you always got the tissues out drying those tears. I get it. I truly do! That’s exactly what I did. I was with someone for nearly 6 years and we were engaged for 8 months before she exposed herself to be cheating for half of our relationship with multiple guys. If we weren’t in the gardens of Canary Wharf, I swear to God, I’d have done something I’d have regretted and a family would have been…
You get my drift
Who’d have thought that someone who was a devoted Seven Day Adventist (and who had thoughts about waiting for marriage to sleep with anyone) could do something so spiteful and hurtful, let alone accept my marriage proposal? All those Friday nights of not seeing her because I thought she was at church preparing her songs for the next day. She was using her vocal cords alright, crying out for the Lord?
I even remember going to the sexual health clinic like a week after she told me (I was too scared to go beforehand), she had been cheating and the doctor there was speechless to what I just exposed to him. You’d have thought that it’s something he’d come across on a regular basis. I was nervous to go because she apparently started cheating back while visiting family and friends back home in St Lucia. We all know sexual health isn’t as big back in the Caribbean unlike here. Thankfully, all results came back negative. One moment, you’re planning your life with someone to then be so lost and what to do next because you gave that person all that power even though they didn’t give a shit about you.
I am not a woman but my ‘intuition’ was right about that woman but I couldn’t accept it, I chose not to accept it. Like Alicia Keys said, “Love is blind”. I now believe love is a two-way thing, she didn’t love me, otherwise, she wouldn’t have done what she did.
I understand black men have this reputation of cheating and entertaining multiple women but I can safely say, I am not one of them. Once I am in a committed relationship, that’s it. One woman guy and that! Nevertheless, I find, Dating in 2018 is long
Just like Jenna said in her Berlin blog, I had to give you A bit of backstory before I can tell you how I moved forward. Thankfully, I found travelling was also my remedy to get over the harsh break-up. It helped me clear my mind and speed up the emotional healing process. If you don’t know already, solo leisurely travel is a great and fun idea anyway. But when you’re trying to get away from the norm to think things thoroughly, everything I’d normally feel while I was trying to heal at home just felt 10 times better and had more of a meaning. If you can walk the streets of Frankfurt, Germany alone as a hooded black man, you should be able to feel confident in conquering any tasks, right?
Being away with my phone on Airplane mode, so no-one could contact me was beautiful. I was country hopping (Malta and Austria) and no-one even knew my whereabouts or what I was getting up to. I only flew back to London because my friend was moving across the globe with her now husband and she had a night out to celebrate. I’d still be out there now if I had a choice tbh.
Travelling makes you grow and trust me I’ve grown from my experiences. I understand travelling alone can be scary but there are operators that cater especially to solo travellers. I’ve never used them but it can be handy if you need some help to discover a new country and fantastic adventures. For women travellers, there are of course challenges and dangers, I understand there are scumbag men who might prey on you because you’re alone in another country but just be aware of your surroundings, stay alert and you should be good.
This might sound mad, but I am happy I had to go through the above because it made me who I am today. This confident, fun loving, Darkside Don.
If you would like to keep up with Jason, please, please, please check out his blog. Jason is one of my favourite male bloggers, he writes from a Raw place, with absolutely no filter. On more than one occasion he has left me thinking, well damn! I love that he is relatable and it always great to hear a man perspective on things like relationships, especially sensitive topics like cheating.
It is no secret that women are more vocal when it comes to talking openly about their experience of cheating. Women are so vocal to the point, where I almost forget that it can happen to Men too and it does. I loved how just like me, Jason used Travel as a way to help him get over the madness of his break-up and come out stronger on the other side. Who knew that using Travel for personal therapy could be so powerful and have endless benefits?
Anyway, I hope you enjoyed this guest post, just as much as we enjoyed collaborating together. Have you used TRAVEL as an escape in the past? if so where did you go and in what ways did it help you and your situation? let me know in the comments below or you can reach out to us on Twitter @Jason_R_T me @Jennasworldview
During the months leading up to my trip to Costa Rica, I stumbled across a powerful message from Pastor TD Jakes. The words “Nothing just happens” jumped out to me, and grabbed my attention.I pondered on it and began to reflect on my own situation. As a result, my perspective on the break-up did a complete 360. The message went on to say “nothing just happens and anything that does happen happens for a reason”. The funny thing is, I heard this message months ago, I was just not in the best place to receive it. Like Drake, I too spent a lot of time being in my feelings and was unable to see the bigger picture.
Time really does heal all, because I no longer saw the break-up as something negative, but necessary. In a weird way, I found closure and comfort in Pastor TDJakes message. It silenced all of those ‘what if’ questions that had taken up residence in my head. I now found myself at a true place of acceptance. Acceptance of what was, what remained and what was to be.
If I had not been so resistant, I would have been able to check out of Heartbreak hotel a lot sooner. But in life, nothing ever happens before the appointed time. By changing the way I looked at the break-up, it allowed me to give birth to a new me. I was no longer the victim that I had allowed myself to become. The best feeling in the world is when you arise from the dust that once consumed you.
Things quickly turned around for me as I went on to enjoy one of the best summers of my life to date. I truly lived my best life making the most of my summer days. I was on a roll and did not want to slow down. My trip to Costa Rica was at the end of the summer and I promised myself that I would recharge once I got out there. But not before I ran two last laps at the London Notting Hill Carnival. It was a great way to kiss goodbye to summer. Especially since my brother and I unexpectedly landed a live TV interview on Sky news during the parade. O M G – I never imagined something like that would happen to us, lol. Check out the interview below.
Catch flights, not feelings
Running on 3 hours sleep the day after carnival, I set off on an 11-hour flight to Costa Rica with my cousin Aaliyah. I was so excited because I had never been to that part of the world before and it was our first ever trip together. Spending two whole weeks in Costa Rica does not come around often, so we were both determined to make the most of it.
After surviving my first 11-hour flight, Aaliyah and I checked into Hotel Riu Palace Costa Rica in Guanacaste. As we arrived, we were welcomed with a champagne/cocktail reception. You know I have a slice of Boujee in me, so this type of welcome was right up my street. I was all smiles because, within a few months, I went from passing out at work due to the stress of the break-up to sipping champagne in Costa Rica. What a way those tables turned and my oh my it sure did feel good. Our hotel had all the trimmings, 24-hour service, spa facilities, Wi-Fi, 4 restaurants, entertainment, two pools and an on-site photographer. We even had access to the sister hotel across the street.
There is no such thing as a coincidence
During our first few days, we wasted no time getting comfortable. We spent most of our mornings by the pool, chilling, snapping and sipping on our favourite cocktails. Aaliyah and I had become very popular at our hotel because of our distinctive British accents. The staff loved us and always went above and beyond to ensure that we were well looked after. Things were only about to get better once we discovered a Black Travel group had checked into our hotel.
We were super hyped to see a group of Black travellers and wasted no time finding out who they were. I love meeting new people on holiday, so I was happy to go mingle with the new guests. Aaliyah and I walked right over to the tallest person in the group, Ricky he was as tall and brown as the bear from Bear in the big blue house. Ricky who was the group’s leader, was cool, calm, loved our British accents and invited us to hang out later to meet the full crew.
Every year for labour day weekend, the crew who are based in America travel to a new country to explore and party. SAY WHAT NOW? this blew my mind because out of all of the places in the world, we all ended up together in Costa Rica. What was even crazier was that Aaliyah and I were supposed to go to Aruba but somehow ended up booking Costa Rica instead. Now if you have followed this post break up travel series you already know, that there is no such thing as a coincidence when it comes to me, lol. With the arrival of our new guests, it was clear that our time in Costa Rica was about to be lit.
Within 24 hours it was as if the hotel had been hijacked. Everywhere you turned, all you could see were our melanin faces. One thing I love about being Black is we always tend to flock together come rain or shine. It was such a beautiful sight to see and felt even better to be a part of. We truly brightened up the place and it caused other hotel guests to want to be down with the clique, lol. I had never experienced something like this before. I loved it, plus everyone in the group treated Aaliyah and I like their little sisters since we were the only two people in their 20s.
Our day parties by the pool were literally some next level shit. Just think of the pool party scenes in the ‘Juicy‘ music video by Notorious BIG. It was such a vibe and every day our laughs got louder. The atmosphere was just filled with good vibes only, nothing more and nothing less. I remember getting messages from people back home on snapchat asking me who these people were lol. Overnight Aaliyah and I had been sworn into this new travel family and they never left us out of any of the fun. We hung out during the days, had dinner in the evenings and partied throughout the night. It seemed like my plan to recharge was taking a detour. But that is the funny thing about life, it always turns out better than the way we plan.
Chase the adventures
Our hotel was literally in the middle of nowhere, so we made plans to do things off the hotel complex. We hopped on a local bus into one of the oldest beach communities in Costa Rica, Playas de coco. When I ran out onto the beach and saw how beautiful the scenery was, I became very emotional. I realised that in order for me to be where I stood, I had to go through all that I did. I had come such a long way and even though I did not understand why the break up happened the way it did. I knew that it served a greater purpose.
This just reiterated the Nothing just happens message that I heard a few months earlier. Sometimes in life things may happen to you and you may never know why. You just have to trust and believe that things all things will work together for your good. I don’t know why but in Costa Rica, everything just seemed to make a lot more sense to me.
Costa Rica is known for its tropical beaches, wonders of nature and Caribbean influenced culture. Aaliyah and I wanted to make sure we got to experience it, so we spent about $300 each for three days of excursions. One of my Jenna’s Travel philosophies that I truly live by is ‘there is no price tag on experience, so spend whatever is necessary‘.
The first excursion we did was the open Catamaran Ocean tour. I love ocean water because it has so much healing benefits and I always feel a sense of peace whenever I am around it. Sailing along the gold coast was refreshing. It is not something you get to do on a regular basis, so I took the time out to really enjoy it. I channelled my energy and took in the natural views of the ocean. It was peaceful, but very short-lived because I was eager to get my body into the water and go snorkelling. You already know that your girl is unable to swim, so I had to be accompanied by an instructor. There is no shame in my game though, I put on my protective gear and went out into the water like a G.
Feel the fear and do it anyway
The next stop on the list for Aaliyah and I was a day tour at the Vandara Hot springs and adventure. This included a 10 lap Zip-line tour, horseback riding, waterslide and the Vandara Hot Springs. Unknown to Aaliyah I secretly planned to skip the ziplining. The truth was, I did not think I was capable of doing it. But I did not want to tell my little cousin that I was feeling inadequate because of self-doubt. The break-up had bruised my confidence and as a result, I had been questioning myself and my capabilities. I somehow convinced myself that the failure of the relationship was a reflection of me. Now I do not know how I came up with that bullshit, but there I was, lol. I had internalised the break-up in such a way, that it made me forget who the fuck I was.
There I stood tweedling my thumbs, feeling petrified and contemplating whether or not to go through with it. Aaliyah took one look at me and said: “Jen, you have come too far to turn back now boo. You have nothing to be afraid of, you can do this”. There were no lies told because she was right, I was capable of doing anything that I put my mind to. The break-up did not define me and I had to stop letting what happened in my past, stop me from moving forward. I had to start undoing the damage and this moment was the perfect opportunity to make a start.
I thought to myself it is what it is at this point, let do this. So I strapped myself up and completed 10 full zip line laps. It gave me an instant adrenaline rush, that boosted my energy as well as my confidence. I was so proud of myself for going through with it. I proved my self-doubt wrong and I felt like a Baddie. People can encourage you, uplift you and tell you that you are capable of doing great things, but if you do not believe it for yourself, it means nothing.
God makes no mistakes
I spent the rest of my time in Costa Rica reflecting. I thought about the girl that I once was and I thought about the woman that I was becoming. I felt inspired more than ever to get my blogging journey off the ground. I told myself that I when I got home, I would create a website for #Jenna’sWorldView. Costa Rica spoke to me in many ways and I really wanted to share more about my travel journeys. I also felt very eager to go out into the world to seek new experiences. Travelling has opened me up in such a way that has changed my perspective on myself, life, love and the world.
I never thought that I would ever end up visiting Costa Rica. I never imagined that I would be single at this age either, but hey life comes at you fast. My post-break-up travel journeys were filled with many highs and of course some lows. I travelled to escape my reality. Yet, with every country that I visited, I had no choice but to face it head-on. Most people say that after a break-up you must take time out to go find yourself. But the truth was, I was never lost, I just needed to be broken in order to uncover the hidden layers within me.
Anything that happens to us in life will never be wasted. Everything and everyone serves a divine purpose that only pushes you further into your destiny. I have no regrets, hate or anger in my heart because I now understand that in order for new things to come together, old things must fall apart.
Thank you to my vocal and silent readers for keeping up with my Post-break-up travel series. When it all started, I had no clue about how it would all play out. Giving you a glimpse into my past challenged me in ways that I never imagined. Although the wounds have healed, the scars still remain. I no longer hide them because I wear every scar with pride and gratitude.
Many times, I questioned whether I made the right decision bringing this series to light. I have now come to know that although it was painful, it needed to be endured, in order to be shared. Use my experience as an example, take from it what you will remember God knows best and life GOES on.
To follow the full journey from the beginning, click below:
At the end of The wall that came down in Berlin, things looked promising for me as I made the decision to break down the wall of disappointment and start the process of moving on after the breakup. It was an unexpected heart to heart with one of my good girlfriends Lola that gave me the push in the right direction and I thank God it did.
There was a 3-month gap between my trips to Berlin & Santorini and in that space of time, things got better. I would not say they were great but things did get better. With each new day that came, the memories of the relationship did not hurt as much. I spent less time replaying the trauma in my mind and more time trying to catch back my rhythm. I had no other choice but to purge my ex out of my system. The crazy thing is, I did not realise just how deeply woven he was into the fine details of my life until the time came for me to eliminate him. From my Netflix password to the passcode on my phone, everything had to be changed.
I finally reached the ‘it is what it is’ stage and when a woman hits that point, there is no going back. Think of Angela Bassett in ‘Waiting to Exhale‘. Now I did not burn any clothes or cars, but I did sale the remainder of his things in my possession on eBay and disposed of the rest. I slowly morphed into a new me. I kept my hair and nail appointments on the books like clockwork. I stayed busy, revived my social life and slowly got myself back into the groove of things. I even started to wear red lipstick, something I vowed to never ever do, lol. Putting your life back together after it has been scattered is never easy and I made sure to have fun with it. My glow was not back in the full effect just yet, but baby it was on the way.
I have to keep it real with you, when I told Aunty Lorna that I was going to Santorini for a party holiday, I am pretty sure she was convinced that I had lost my mind. A whole Jenna going on a party holiday? The same Jenna who can only manage two Pina Coladas? It sounded like a major risk on my part and it was definitely out of character for me as I have never been on a party holiday before.
I heard about Supa Dupa Fly x Santorini through Astra, who just happens to be another one of my big sister figures. Astra came into my life when I was 15, as the girlfriend of my older brother. Astra is the girlfriend your brother brings home, the whole family fall in love with her and even after their relationship ends, she still remains a part of the family. Yeah, that’s my Astra, so when she told me about her plans to attend Santorini for this festival, my intuition sent me signals that I just could not ignore.
Supa Dupa Fly host the number one throwback RnB and Hip Hop nights in London. Throwing the hottest parties all through the year. Three years ago the team took their magic to Santorini and the rest is history. Astra, me, Kerry, Frankie & Liz attended SDF in their second year of residency on the island.
All the girls were aware of my breakup so everyone was determined to make sure that I had the best time. We departed from London on an evening flight, then stopped in Athens to hop on our connecting flight to Santorini. For the record, I despise layovers, but we had no other choice because our original direct flight got cancelled, lol
As soon as I stepped off the plane, I was welcomed into Santorini by a beautiful sunset and I just felt a calm sense of peace. I gave myself a little pep talk like “Jenna you are in Santorini boo, you deserve this. Forget about the last few months baby girl it is time to turn up”.I was determined to enjoy this trip and make the most of it.
My first thoughts on Santorini were that it was authentic and untouched in most aspects of appearance. I did not fall in love with it at first sight and I ignorantly asked Astra where were all of those blue and white buildings I had seen on Instagram? I did not do much research on the place so you could imagine the shock I felt when I kept seeing Donkeys on every street. But, I thought to myself it is what it is if I have to ride on Donkeys for the next few days, then so be it. I was thousands of miles away from my comfort zone and I had no choice but to bite the bullet.
From the airport, we went straight to our serviced apartment, which I must say was absolutely gorgeous. It was better than I expected and I am a hotel junkie who is very hard to please. We stayed in a local area, with a tight-knit community that was ideally close to everything we needed. Once the rooms were sorted, we secured our Quad bikes, sourced some food and patterned things up for our first night in town.
We attended the Welcome party on the first night and it was such a vibe. No one’s face was screwed up, everyone was bubbling and smiling. The drinks were flowing, the video cameras were rolling. People were snapping and the crowd was losing their mind to whatever song the Dj was spinning. I was surprised to see such a mixed crowd of people, but no-one I recognised, so that was an added bonus.
One thing about me I love my music and although I am not a party girl, I am a dancehall Queen who is always in and out of retirement. It did not take long for the girls and I to find one corner and start getting down. Supa Dupa fly are known for 90s RnB and hip-hop music, so when I heard Vybez Kartel ‘Fever‘ ring out inside the place, it was game over lol. Astra took one look at me and said “Jenna your time now” anyone who knows me should know what happened next. Dancehall queen Jenna came right up out of retirement.
I had to catch a 5min breather from all of that dancing, so I went outside and started to cool off with my signature fan.As I stood outside, the scent of sweet cologne smacked me right in the face and awakened my senses. It did not take me long to find out who was behind the scent. The stars in Santorini must have been aligned that night because what I saw snatched the little piece of edges I had left.
The mystery man that stood a few steps away from me was about 6ft 4, dipped in Chocolate and glistened with all kinds of sauce. I scanned him from head to toe in under 8 seconds flat and then happened to notice a festival wristband on his left arm…BINGO lol. 8 seconds turned into 30 and just as I was about to take my gaze off him, our eyes made four. Whewww Chile…..
We both smiled, I looked away and then he swayed off into the crowd. JENNA why did you not say hello???? I asked myself in frustration. Then I thought, even if I did say hello, what the heck was I going to say? I did not get a chance to answer that question because before I knew it he reappeared and I went for the plunge and said ‘Hiiii’.
I am so glad I did because he turned out to be really lovely, much older than me and he certainly was not from London. Mystery Chocolate was from the states and he lived and worked in one of my favourite cities. The more he told me about himself, the more I became impressed, especially when he mentioned that loved to travel. Now I won’t spill all the tea due to these new GDPR changes lol, but we did exchange our details and jokingly said that we would try to do brunch before our time on the island was up lol
Now I know you are thinking OMG and you probably did not see that one coming, but neither did I. However Astra on the other hand, saw the whole thing and came rushing over to me once he slipped away back into the crowd. “Tell me everything JEN” Astra insisted but, honestly there was not much to tell. I saw a guy, our eyes made four, we chatted and exchanged details. It was no big deal, but I was so proud of myself for being a bold baddie and saying hi.
These party holidays are hardcore stuff you know. I partied all night and got back to our apartment in the early hours of the morning. I missed breakfast and woke up just in time for brunch, left with only a few hours to enjoy the day before I to get ready to party through the night and do it all again. Lucky for me, I managed to get a beach day in and boy it was truly worth it. I visited Perissa Black sand Beach, which is famous for the red and black volcanic pebbles that lay across the shores. I had never been to a beach of this kind before, I only ever head about it in songs.
I decided to take a walk across the shores of the Perissa beach, play my favourite gospel song at the time and pray (see video below). Water is purifying and I always feel the presence of peace whenever I am around it. Between you and I, I released old layers of myself and life in that prayer that day. It was not planned, but I guess it just had to happen. After my prayer walk across the beach, I sensed that something greater was coming my way because whenever you release, you always gain.
It was halfway through my trip when I met two sisters from London Chanel and Chloe. Now I remember spotting them on our flights, but we did not end up speaking until we found ourselves dancing the night away side by side in a cave on the island. Chloe and I clicked instantly and she revealed to me that she and Chanel spotted me at the club on the first night getting my Life to Vybez Kartel, LOL.
We exchanged details promised to link up before we left. On that same night, I met so many people. It did not feel like an I was in a rave, but more like a large scale networking event. I established so many divine connections in that one night, I will never ever forget my raving experience in Santorini. I strongly sensed that I was right where I was supposed to be, just like in Berlin. So I vowed to keep my eyes and ears open because I was sure there was something that I was supposed to receive on this island.
Party holidays are like a yo-yo, you party day and night and the cycle continues until it is time to fly home. I did get a chance to meet up with Chanel, Chloe and Mystery Chocolate again. It was these two link-ups in Santorini that made me start to look at the breakup in a whole new light.
After an evening of raving, everyone was scattered across the strip trying to buy food. Now I do not know how this happened, but I got lost and could not find the girls. One minute they were there and the next they were gone. So I made my way into a Chinese shop and low and behold I came across Chanel and Chloe.
I immediately sat down and ordered food to their table. You know how Women can be we start a conversation about food and then end up talking about Men and that is exactly what happened. Before I knew it, Chanel and I were exchanging war stories about our past relationship. If you have learned one thing about me by now, you know that I am not afraid to tell my story.
The conversation that I had with the sisters that night blew my mind. The girls and I spoke for nearly two hours and I truly felt empowered by these two sisters who were complete strangers to me only a few days ago. Chanel was older than me and Chloe and before I left to go back to my hotel, Chanel looked me dead in my face and said ‘Your ex-did you a favour. The betrayal is actually a blessing and I know that you can’t see it now, but when you do you will never be the same again”. Those words sent a chill down my spine and she was right I did not understand it but I knew that the time would come when I would. I went to back to the apartment, sat on the balcony and let the cool breeze of the night soothe my soul.
As for Mystery Chocolate, we kept running into each other at the parties, both still in limbo about when we were going to pencil in this brunch. It eventually became a running joke every time we saw each other. Eventually, we did get a chance to catch up to enjoy a lovely stroll in perfect sight of the Caldera View.
Our link-up was so refreshing, he was an educated Black man who knew his stuff. I told him a bit more about myself and how I had gone through a really hard time after my break up. We talked about the ups and downs of relationships, the music business, the welfare system in the states, Obama and the rap lyrics of Notorious BIG lol.
Before we departed ways he told me to take a good look at the remains of the Caldera. So there I stood snapping away on my phone and he begins to tell me about the history of Santorini. MC begins to tell me how the existing Island of Santorini is the remains of a bigger Island that was destroyed by an explosive volcanic eruption in 1646 BC.
The Volcano left nothing but this big blackened rock that I was awkwardly staring at. As I gazed on, taking in the view, he turned to me and said: “the result of the eruption created five separate islands including Santorini and from an explosion, beautiful things are able to be created”. I stood in awe as I let those words penetrate through my entire system. WOW, I thought to myself I just received another piece of the puzzle.
Santorini will always have a piece of my heart, nothing more or less. I went there with the intention to party hard and have fun. However, I received more than I expected, as I danced through each day and night. The people that I met and the conversations that I had helped to guide me through to the next level. Things were finally coming together for me and I was ecstatic.
On the plane back home I thanked Astra for letting me hop on the girls trip. Astra laughed and said ‘anytime Jen, you know I got you. You did good girl, I could not believe you were able to hang in there”. I laughed because I could not believe it myself. Astra went on to say this and I quote. ‘you’re doing well Jen, you took that fall and you got back up, everything happens for a reason and remember Jen, karma is a B*&^H, so we keep our noses clean.
I gave Astra the biggest smile and rested my head back on my seat. I was more than ready to get back home to London and start living my new life to the fullest. Summer 17 was soon approaching and I was not going to let the skeletons of my past hold me back anymore.
The last stop in my post break up travel journeys will be Costa Rica. I might as well go ahead and tell you that the hurt and heartbroken Jenna that you have read about during this series did not make it to Costa Rica. Sit tight because the Jenna that I am about to introduce you to will have you screaming YASSSSSS from the top of your lungs, lol
One last thing:Make sure you sign up to my subscription list so that you never ever miss the drop when I post new blog content. Also, if you missed the memo Jennas World Views Glow up that was planned for Monday 6th August 2018 was put on hold until further notice. There were some difficulties behind the scenes and although I still wanted to reveal my logo (which is amazing btw) I decided NOT to.
In addition to that, the Post break up series must come to an end before I transition into my new look. In order for me to sow fruitful seeds into #JWV I can no longer mix the old with the new. As soon as things are back on track, you will be the first to know.
Thank you for your patience, time, love and support.
I am a 90s baby, so I grew up on Toni Braxton, Monica and of course my Aunty Mary J Blige. I was singing about heartbreak and infidelity before I knew what it meant to really go through it. I could recite lyrics and belch every high note with raw emotion as if the heartbreak was my own. In my mind I was no stranger to it, I had read countless books about cheating couples (shout out to Brenda Hampton & Omar Tyree). I watched Tv shows and films over the years. I even knew all the words of the iconic heartbreak film Waiting to Exhale. It was all fun and games when it was make-belief but nothing could prepare me for the pain I felt when heartbreak became my reality.
Now I know that I dropped a bomb on you in my last blog post Intuition: A blessing in disguise. I was really touched by your response and I now feel braver than ever telling my story. Before I crack open my post break up travel series I need to take you a bit further behind the scenes. From the break up until my trip to Berlin, a lot had taken place in my life. I turned 25. I developed an elaborate and impulsive spending habit and I experienced everything from hair loss to depression. Dealing with a break up on top of trying to navigate my way through life was crippling and I couldn’t manage it. The break up was the straw that broke the Camels back and sadly for me it knocked me right off my feet. There was so much to process. My family were in my ears, my friends were in my ears. Everyone including me was trying to make sense of the madness.
I was embarrassed, ashamed and I felt dirty. To make matters even worse, the word had started to spread and the people were talking. An old acquaintance of mine was so desperate for an exclusive, she texted my phone with fake concern in hopes to catch the tea. But this wasn’t tea or breaking news via the #shaderoom this was my real life. All eyes were now on me. Every move that I made was being scrutinised, so I wasn’t going to give the spectators, my ex or cousinbae the satisfaction of seeing me crumble. Even though I was half dead behind the scenes, lol. The show had to go on, so I kept up the appearances and made sure my Instagram uploads stayed popping.
The more I acted as though life was grand like a thousand pounds to the outside world, things were taking a turn for the worse. It got so bad that my mum sat me down and gave me some home truths. Mummy was blunt and told me that I am not the first girl in the world to get cheated on and I won’t be the last. I need to walk with my head held high. One day it will all make sense why I had to go through this. I can’t stop or give up, I just have to keep going. My mum tried the nice approach at first but in true Aunty Lorna form, she likes to leave an impact with her words. Mum made sure to remind me that I came from a long line of strong Black Women, who have been through ‘this’ before, so I have to pick myself up. Mum then went on to say and I quote “if you feel like you are going to mash up yourself over this Jancro boy & his dutty family, you have another thing coming”. In translation, this was a warning to get my shit together.
You see, I heard what my mum said, but her words were not hitting home. Nothing anyone was saying to me at the time was. I felt like a victim and found comfort revelling in the pain of the breakup. I truly lost my strength and was I embarrassed to tell my mum that I was struggling to push through. My confidence was bruised. Ever since I was a child, It has been drilled into me that I have to grow up to be a strong Black woman. Life was going to throw some horrible things my way and no matter what happens, I have to keep it moving. Even if it hurts. Even if it’s painful. Even if I don’t understand it. I was raised and trained to be resilient. If I fall, I must get up and if I cry it shouldn’t be for too long, but I just couldn’t do it. I didn’t look or feel like the strong Black woman my mum raised me to be and this had a major impact on my confidence. I was unable to demonstrate all that my mum had taught me because I was crumbling.
Over the years I have been able to live up to this reputation as a ‘strong Black woman’. I have served as the friend, who many have called on. At one point in time, I even held a PHD in solving man problems for my girls, lol. Sadly, the tables had turned and the strong Jenna that everybody once knew, was now unrecognisable. The stress completely took over, I started isolating myself from others, my hair started to fall out and I wasn’t able to sleep at night. I remember feeling like someone cast an evil spell on me because everything that was happening to me just seemed unreal. I was declining, but I couldn’t do anything about it. The break up was an eye-opener and it made me realise that my ex-wasn’t who he portrayed himself to be. I thought that I knew him, but I didn’t. It made me feel as though everything that we had shared together was a lie. This was the worse part for me because, in my heart, I truly felt like we had shared something real.
My ex- was the first guy I ever exchanged I love you with. The first guy who knew all of my hopes and dreams. From the age of 17, he watched me blossom into the early stages of womanhood. How could I just forget him? How was I supposed to erase the last 7 years of my life? I felt like I didn’t have anything to show for the relationship. I wasted my years and my time being his lover and the damn secretary too. I couldnt bear the thought of letting go of the relationship and to make matters worse, I was still attached to him(please don’t cuss me). It was so overwhelming for me to the point where I couldn’t even think straight. There was too much noise going in my head and I just needed to tune everything out. The break up was already taking its toll on my mental health and I knew it. As a first-class psychology graduate, who at that time wanted to get into Clinical Psychology Doctoral training. I knew the signs and tried my best to disguise it from my family and friends.
It wasn’t only until an incident took place at work, that would soon reveal the true impact of the break-up. I collapsed at work and was unresponsive on my office floor for 5 minutes. As I regained consciousness, I noticed my wig was halfway across the office floor. My colleagues were standing around in complete and utter shock. When I realised my wig was gone, I just screamed out in embarrassment, lol. I know they probably thought I was having a panic attack but unfortunately it was the shame of my wig abandoning my head at such a crucial time. Everyone believed I had suffered a silent heart attack until the tests came back normal. My iron levels were fine and no I didn’t have a stroke. Numerous tests were carried out on me but nothing could explain why I collapsed. The only thing the doctors could conclude was that stress had a major part to play. I spent two nights in the hospital and was advised to take it easy because next time I might not be so lucky.
It was obvious from that incident I needed to get a grip on things but I just didn’t have the strength to get myself together. So I did what I do best and blocked out the problems by slipping away into isolation. I didn’t want to hear what my family or friends had to say anymore. I didn’t want to think about my ex anymore. I just wanted to soothe my wounds. I needed to make myself feel better and I was desperate to fill the pain with something other than the voices of my family and friends. So I kept spending money and boy did it feel good.
My aim was to get away from London and even further away from everyone’s voices. I was so desperate for a change of scenery. So when my girl Lola hit me up about Drakes Boy meets world tour in Berlin, I was all over it. Something about this concert just made sense to me. If you read JWV’s Top 10 things to do in Miami, you would know that we missed out on seeing him the previous year. I strongly sensed this was a rare moment of fate presenting itself and I needed to pay close attention. Without any additional thought, I booked those Drake tickets and Lola & I made plans to set off to Berlin. Little did I know, that this trip was going to be the starting point for my restoration & healing.
If you follow me on the socials, you should have noticed that I have started promoting my #PostBreakUp travel series. 2017 was a great year of travel for me, who knew that heartbreak could take me so far, lol. It didn’t feel right for me to take you through my trips to Berlin, Santorini & Costa Rica, without giving you some insight into how I ended up there in the first place. I have to take you back a bit, so grab some snacks and get comfy.
Being the only girl child at home, I spent a lot of time around my mum (Hey Aunty Lorna). I don’t think it was intentional, but that’s just how it was. I was like her handbag, wherever she was, you would always find me close by. With that being said, I saw a lot and I heard much more.
Instead of watching cartoons, I would be in the company of my Mother and other knowledgeable women. I spent countless hours sitting on their laps, hanging on to their every word as they exchanged life stories. Some of the things that my Mother & these women experienced within their romantic relationships should be shared via book deals and movies. Every one of their scars came with a different story and I learned something new, each time I listened. It was through those same conversations, where I first heard about something called ‘Intuition’.
Intuition : The ability to know something without analytic reasoning based soley on a gut feeling.
Each woman who shared their story talked about ‘intuition’ with the utmost respect. It led some to the front doors of their husband’s mistress. Whilst others uncovered children from outside the relationship. Apparently, intuition had the ability to keep them up late at night, eating away at their conscious until they responded to the call. Many described intuition as a gut feeling, that pushed them to do some crazy things without telling them why. No two stories that I ever heard about intuition were ever the same. Whether these women responded to their intuition or not, there was always a consequence to whichever path they decided to take.
A majority of the things that I heard my mum and her girlfriends discuss didn’t make much sense to me when I was younger. I just enjoyed being amongst the women and listening, because it filled the void of not having that much girly company around. Although those conversations didn’t make much sense to me at the time. It would soon prove to be of great value once I blossomed and came into my own. I didn’t realise just how much I absorbed just from listening to big women have real, raw, and honest conversations about the power of their intuition until it was time for mine to be put to the test.
A year before my seven-year relationship came to an end, I randomly came across the girl my ex-cheated on me with via facebook. I can remember the day so clearly because I was just browsing and there she was. It was so random but when I look back now, I can tell you that was supposed to happen. Up until that point, I didn’t even know that she existed but after scrolling through her facebook pictures I made the connections and that was that, or so I thought.
This same individuals file came across my desk again, but this time around I was to give her my full attention. Up until this day, I find it difficult to describe the way my spirit was so suddenly drawn to her. I believe it was more spiritual than anything because this girl was a stranger but the sight of her made my spirit unsettled. Whenever I looked at her pictures my gut feelings were always trying to communicate something to me, but sadly I couldn’t interpret what I was being told. So as a result, I suffered.
I heard my mum say once that if you ignore your intuition ‘it ah go mad yuh’( basically send you crazy) and she didn’t lie. I wasn’t even in sync with my intuition like that, so how was I supposed to understand what was being told? How was I suppose to crack those secret codes? I was so scared about what I might find out on the other side, to the point where I tried to bury it in the back of my mind. The more I tried to ignore those signals from my intuition, the louder they got. I couldn’t put them on mute even if I tried.
I know you are probably thinking, why didn’t I just confront my ex and ask him once and for all. I did eventually but even that wasn’t easy. I was a professional at ignoring negatives feelings that I found difficult to communicate. I mastered those skills during my childhood and sadly it trailed right into my adult life. As silly as this sounds, I didn’t know how to scream if something was wrong. Even within that relationship, I suppressed a lot so when it all came crashing down I am not surprised that I went down with it.
I went to four people before I approached my ex about him cheating on me. My little brother was the first and my mum was the last. I wrestled with this from February and it was now half way through May. I know you are probably cursing me out right now, but there were so many other factors that played a part in me not speaking up earlier. The person he cheated on me with was a family member, so it’s not like I could be out in the streets throwing around those type of sleazy accusations.
What was I going to do?, invite him over for dinner and say ‘hey babe my intuition told me you were cheating on me with your cousin, can you just clear that up real quick?’ Do you know how crazy I would have looked if that turned out to be untrue? This was why I was so conflicted. This was why I wouldn’t risk taking my intuition seriously. My intuition was trying to lead me down some sick twisted roads and I’m not really good with directions.
I eventually asked him about her and it is so funny because when I look back now it was obvious my intuition had been leading me to the truth all along. As I type this, I can still see the expression that he had on his face at that moment. As a woman, you want assurance from your man that everything is safe and secure. I wanted him to shut down my doubts and he did, then he flipped the script on me and made me feel guilty for questioning our unit. It was the first time in my life when the opposite sex made me feel small.
I felt very dumb. Especially when he went on to ask me if I was insecure and did I really trust him? It didn’t stop there, he started reminding me of how strong our foundation “was” as a couple. My ex-started preaching. Talking about how we had been through too much together and we have come from so far, for him to ever disrespect me in such a way. I can’t lie, he put forward a good case and it was exactly what I wanted to hear. It was what any woman would have wanted to hear. We hugged each other in silence for about 15minutes after and that was that, or so I thought.
Steve Jobs said it best, that our intuition is more powerful than our intellect, and I have no grounds to disagree. Even when I didn’t know, even when I didn’t understand things my intuition did. I never took the time to get to know my intuition prior to this experience. Its a bit like buying a top gadget, but you don’t use it for long enough to uncover all of its features. I didn’t know myself as well as I thought I did. I didn’t know how to tap into my intuition and I was far from knowledgeable on how to cultivate a connection. I never really listened to the sound of my inner thoughts properly. I never really took care of myself, because I was always dismissing my feelings. I was very confused and I couldn’t trust my own intuition because I didn’t really know what my intuition was all about. I missed the signs on numerous occasions and I dismissed the signals because the truth was I wasn’t really listening. I would soon come to regret this when the truth finally came to light.
You see when it all came crashing down and the truth was finally revealed months down the line that my intuition was right all along, it broke me in an instance. All the dots were finally connected. I remember sitting in the car with him and I couldn’t stop screaming, it’s like my inner voice was finally free. Everything just started to make sense now. I wasn’t going crazy. My intuition wasn’t leading me astray or trying to ruin my relationship or my life. My intuition tried for so long to open me up the truth, its a shame I didn’t realise it sooner. My intuition was actually a blessing in disguise. Nearly two years on and I finally see it now.
I have shared this with you before but mum has always told me that you have to burn to learn and she ain’t never lied. I stood by helplessly as my ex- torched me and the total existence of our relationship to the ground. 7 years up in flames, with no bridges to cross back over. As much as I burned, I learned some valuables life lessons during the fire. There’s nothing like real life experience and although it was bittersweet, my break up established the connection between me and my intuition. Reading about it in a book, wouldn’t have got the job done, it was ordained for me to experience it in real time.
I made a vow to myself on the day I found out about the cheating, that I would never ever dismiss my intuition ever again. When it speaks to me now, I listen. When it sends me a signal, I don’t ignore it. When my intuition communicates to me about things and individuals, I don’t second guess it. I move when my intuition tells me to move. What has since occurred in my life post break up is an example of my intuition and me being as one. The moves that I make, the people that I connect to and the travelling that I do, is a result of me simply listening to my intuition.
Never in a million years did I think that something like that would have happened to me, but it did and I survived to tell the tale. One thing I know for sure now is that Intuition is a life skill that is required for survival. I encourage you to take the time out and let your intuition guide you. Listen closely. Pay attention to the signs and work on establishing that connection. Don’t ignore it and don’t ever dismiss yourself. If something or someone feels wrong and you can’t put your finger on it, chances are it probably is.
With that being said, I look forward to taking you through my Post break up Travel series. To read what happened next, click here and once you have digested that, the first stop will be in Berlin.
You really don’t want to miss this one. To stay in the loop with all my new blog posts, you can subscribe by following me on WordPress. If you are on the socials platforms you can find me on Twitter, Instagram and Facebook @JennasWorldView.
For those of you that don’t know, a Bae-cation is a vacation that you take with BAE. The Bae in question must be your significant other. Borrowing a BAE from someone else would be quite problematic. Personally, I would avoid that and I urge you to do the same, but hey that is a new blog – post for another day lol
I thought long and hard about this and yes I’d love for the chance to escape to an Exotic Island or be whisked away on a City break with Bae. I never travelled with my ex so this is a new territory that I am keen to explore. As I am now part of the Travel blogging community, I see so many travel pics of couples daily and it really got me thinking about me and my own experiences.
So I decided to reach out to my Instagram family to find out who has been on a Baecation and where did they go? It is safe to say, that I am not the only person left on the earth who has not been on one, whew. There are both Men and Women out there, young and old who are yet to jet out with their partner. I guess this means that I am not an alien and I can stop stressing myself out right?. Mmmm I’m not yet convinced, this lack of Baecation stuff is going on my prayer list, so watch this space, lol.
In my head, a Bae-cation goes something like this . . .
Together both of us will be killing it our holiday outfits, from the colours right down to the footwear. We just naturally complement each other as we travel through a new country, exploring and making new memories. Our beach days will consist of long walks, hand in hand in the sand, whilst the waves of the sea flow as our background music. We will stay up late into the evenings, talking about whatever comes to mind right through to the early hours of the morning. Each day away will give us both the chance to recharge, reconnect and plan ahead.
These scenes from a romantic film that I am describing are probably far from the true reality of Bae-cations. I know it sounds so scripted and glamorous, but hey a girl can dream lol. I am an outsider here so I wouldn’t know where to start. If I am way off hit your girl up and drop some knowledge on me in the comments, lol.
In my mind, a Baecation seems necessary for all couples. Time away from our natural habitats does everyone good, I expect that a Baecation would probably do the same plus more. Chances are it gives some couples the opportunity to pour into each other with minimal distractions or outside influences. From what I have seen and heard, a Baecation is like a Kinder surprise, you just never know what you might get. It is possible to go on a Baecation and not come back the same way.
How many couples have you heard of that went away and come back engaged, eloped, pregnant or even separated? You just never know what a Baecation could bring, but I am here for it, and can’t wait for my turn. Travelling is a big part of me. Travelling has shaped my character as a woman.Travelling has broadened my horizons. Travelling holds a big place in my heart and life. I can’t even begin to imagine, what it would feel like to share this with Bae. I know this sounds mushy, but hey I said, what I said lol.
Even before I announced this blog post, I have had lots of questions floating around in my head about Baecations.
When is the right time in a relationship to go on holiday?
Is there a Bae-cation vetting process?
Would I take wigs on a Bae-cation or nah?
Where would we go ?
What started out as a fun light-hearted blog – post quickly took a negative turn, that left me feeling out of place.
My mind was doing overtime putting this blog post together. To the point where I almost abandoned it. I felt like I was mentally self –harming trying to understand something that I was yet to experience. As I pondered on the fact that I am 26 and I have never been on a Bae-cation, it was getting me very pressed. The thought of it got me extremely agitated, my mood kept dipping and my nostrils flares were on 100. I had to seriously question myself and ask “Jenna what is all the fuss about with this Baecation stuff”? Then it hit me like a ton of bricks and I ended up going down that road of self-reflection.
I will be 27 in December and my life is really just getting started. There are a lot of things ahead of me, I have lots to see and even more to explore and experience. Even though, I know this to be true, I sometimes have moments of ‘when is it going to happen?” and I am sure that I am not alone. From about 15 years old, I have planned out my entire life. According to my plans, I should be a qualified Clinical Psychologist, married, pregnant with the twins, renovating my 5th property, and coordinating business deals back and forth from New York. I am so far away from this plan, it actually chokes me to know that I haven’t achieved anything I just shared on that list.
I am not where I THOUGHT I would be by this age. Acknowledging that I am now 26 and haven’t been on a Baecation, reminds me that the plans that I made for my life at 15 have not come to fruition. I do feel some type of way, but I have just been getting on with my life and buried these feelings. We all have things that we bury deep down inside of us. In hopes that we never have to deal with them ever again or that if we ignore it the feelings will go away. The truth is, as I get on with life, my faith and my fears are at WAR but only one of them can win. My faith tells me there is still enough time for all of those beautiful things to take place in my life. Whilst my fears tell me, that my career, travel plans, love life and future will never happen. It is a constant battle, but I am determined that my fears will not win.
On this life journey so far I have broken down and hit many roadblocks as well as diversions. I set out on one route, took a few wrong turns, couple detours and there. I have been lost, was given many directions, ended up ditches, rerouted and then found myself back on the roads, with the breeze blowing through my hair. I made plans for my life and believed I would go down a particular route in order to achieve them but that has been far from the case and that’s fine.
Sometimes in life, the route in which we take to achieving our plans will be the very thing that destroys us. We have our hearts and minds set on things that have nothing to do with where Gods wants to take us. I am not saying that we must not set goals or plan. I am saying that if you plan something and it doesn’t work out how you thought it would, don’t be disheartened. Just know that God has SOMETHING better in store for you. When you get caught up in what did not work or what you don’t have, you lose sight of where you are. Even if something has not happened in your life just yet, doesn’t mean that it will never happen.
I am guilty of living my life through an unrealistic checklist created by me, influenced heavily by family expectations, peer pressure, society standards & Culture. I can confidently say that I know I am not the only one.There is no real manual on how to do this life thing because it is very much all trial and error. In a weird way I felt very disappointed that I had not achieved some of those things on my list, because If I did, Bae-cations would have happened already. Those plans that I wrote for my life at 15 have secretly been holding me hostage. My unrealistic timelines have made me feel some type of way about things that I cant control in life.
The truth is this, it doesn’t matter how much we stress or wonder when things will happen in our lives. At the right time, in the right season, with the right people, everything that is yours shall be given unto you. Stressing is a waste time because it won’t get you to your goals any quicker. Do not to focus on what has not shown up just yet in your life, have faith that GODS plans will lead you to everything that you need.
So yes, I am 26 and I have NOT yet been on a Bae-cation, but it will happen, just like all the other things that are destined for my life. What I have and what I do not have, no longer has power over me and that now gives me hella strength.
Stay Blessed peeps
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As a young girl growing up, I watched a multitude of Black American films and Tv shows. Most if not all were centred around female friendships, sisterhood and some good ole Girl Power.
Friendship is a relationship of mutual affection between people.
Sisterhood is the relationship between sisters
Girl Power is used in reference to an attitude of independence, confidence, and empowerment among young women
Waiting to exhale, Moesha, Sister-Sister, Girlfriends and Set it off gave me some insight into what female friendships and sisterhood should look like. The good, the bad & sometimes even the ugly. Being that I was the only girl child with two brothers, I really didn’t know much about sisterhood outside of what I had seen on tv. All of my knowledge and understanding really came from what I saw being portrayed on the big screen.
As if that wasn’t enough, the influx of all female girl groups consumed the music industry in the 90’s and their influence ran right into the new millennium. Shout out to my mum because she allowed us to have ‘The Box’ which was Cable TV for British People lol. The Box gave me direct access to the latest music videos of girl groups across the globe. I knew all the words to most of the songs and I was quick on my feet with them dance moves too.
I was the additional group member in Destiny’s Child, TLC, SWV and many others. This was a fact and no one at home could tell me otherwise lol. Up until this day, I can still remember the first time I saw the Spice Girls ‘Wannabe’ video. I was in awe. I’m not sure if it was because they were British or because they were girls on a total madness in a music video. It was all new to me and it totally blew my mind because I had never seen anything like it before. All I knew from there on out was that when I was old enough I would have my own squad.
This ‘squad‘ would become the sisters that I never had. We were going to be smart, fly, flawless & independent. The talk of the town, the crème de la crème, popular head turners with more than enough charm. We would walk each other through the different stages of life from first jobs to saying “I do”. Our bond would be tight like a knot nothing or no one could ever come between us. In my mind, it was possible to be like the girls in all those films and TV shows. I knew I wanted lifelong friends but as I grew older I realised that sometimes it’s not possible for 20 kids to play together for 20 years.
My experience of Sisterhood so far has not been smooth sailing. More like a profound learning experience that has taught me so much about life, other women and of course myself. My mum always told me that “you have to burn to learn” and she ain’t never lied. Some of the best life lessons come through the burning process but that is a new blog post for another day lol
Like many women out there I have been backstabbed, lied on, betrayed and let down by females who I have called my sisters. The friendships that I vowed would last a lifetime didn’t make it past a couple years. Some of my “day ones” have turned out to be agents from Satan who were secretly plotting on my downfall. I’ve had multiple friends screaming “yasss slay sis” in my social media comments but private whats app convos have said otherwise. Women just haven’t been who they portrayed themselves to be. My feelings have been hurt without reason, I’ve been abandoned by sisters who swore that they valued me. Yet I find strength in knowing that I am not the first woman to go through this and I most certainly won’t be the last. This is the just way life goes.
Being a woman isn’t easy and being friends with women is even harder. After all the ups and downs that I have had with my female friends, I gave up. The petty SHIT got played out for me, I was sick of females not saying things with their chest and hiding behind other women. I no longer wanted to be a part of a squad or clique and I even told myself I don’t want any bridesmaids at my wedding LMFAO. I just had no interest in being around females if all it would bring me is drama. I came to the conclusion that sisterhood among women was dead. I was anti females and I vowed never to trust another sister in the same capacity again. It is true what they say one bad apple can really spoil the lot.
My negative experiences made me the question whether sisterhood among women was really alive? How can you call someone your sister but be ready to trample on her to get ahead? For a long time, I used to think that maybe it was a cultural thing. Let’s really keep it 100 here, sometimes within the Black community, we have the tendency to fight against one another for the stupidest things. Some say its the residue of slavery whilst others will argue that we simply just can’t get along. However, I can admit that it is not a cultural thing because the ladies in Sex in the city and Mean girls showed us issues within sisterhood has nothing to do with race.
Women can be so cruel to one another, especially to the women they know and even worse to the ones they know from a distance. I’m an imperfect sinner who has had fights, gone out of my way to trace out a couple gal, said some horrible things with valid reason and without. I’ve sipped and served many cups of tea (gossip) and thrown plenty shade. There ain’t no woman alive on this earth who has not done the same.I have grown up a lot and I still have lots more growing to do, because I refuse to stay the same person. Every woman has bitchy ways, but it’s their choice whether or not they chose to display them.
I have improved my attitude towards women a great deal. I try my best to go out of my way to support other women. Whether its a Retweet on twitter, attending an event, buying products and services or offering my time. Even small words of encouragement and a compliment can go along way. I now realise that when one woman wins I win too. Whenever I see a woman driving a bad boy car, I’m like yasss sis Fuck it up.The unity of sisterhood isn’t limited to the women that you know, it can be shown to those that you don’t know either.
Supporting another sister does not take anything away from you or your destiny. In this new age of social media, there is a lot of smoke and mirrors. The world is full of noise and women supporting other women appears to be the “in thing”. Yet what lies beneath the surface is jealousy, competition and fake unity. There are many females walking around in squads full of phoneys. Majority of them don’t really like or support each other and they are waiting for their sis to crash and burn so they can revel in her misery.
It looks good to appear as if you are supporting someone because you don’t want to be called out as a hater. Most people care about how they are perceived by others and this is the fuel behind their behaviour. Sometimes support from your “so-called sister” is really jealousy and hate disguised as a Repost on the socials to save face. As harsh as this sounds for many women this is a reality. Please don’t shoot the messenger I know my delivery is raw but Aunty Lorna (my mum) didn’t raise me to trample lightly around the truth. If one thing sisterhood has taught me is that people’s actions never match what is really in their heart.
The truth is SISTERHOOD isn’t dead, but it’s in CRITICAL condition. There is so much more that goes into being a sister to another. It requires great compassion, love, patience and understanding. To call yourself SOMEONE’s sister comes with a responsibility that is not to be taken lightly. A lot of us commit to sisterhood relationships without understanding the depth of the responsibilities that are attached to it. We immaturely launch ourselves in at the deep end and cant deliver when it times to step up to the plate.
From my own experiences, I have called the wrong individuals my sisters and have left myself open for plenty disappointments. I’ve been naive and put people on pedestals they had no business being on. I used to the think that the strength of sisterhood was due the quantity of a squad. I soon came to realise that you could walk alongside a large group of people who were really not on your team.
The only way to survive the dark side of sisterhood is to make sure you position people appropriately in your life. When people show you who they are the FIRST time, don’t stick around for part two because you will only have yourself to blame. Seek wisdom regarding friendships and don’t just run into people, learn to be observant of others before you go screaming ‘SIS’. Also be a reflection of the type of friend that you would want others to be to you. You cant be out here screaming everyone is fake when your credentials are a bit sketchy because you’re actually a shit friend. Do better.
Most importantly let your past experiences be a lesson. Use them as a guide on what to avoid when establishing new relationships. My mum told me that she met some of her lifelong sisters in her late 20’s, so remember that you are never too old to make new relationships. Give Drake a pass when he is out here screaming out ‘no new friends.
It is rare that you get to continue on in life with the people who you started with. You grow up and move on. Break promises of staying friends forever. Walk away with many unanswered questions and pride won’t let you go to go back in time to hash out the past. So take those memories, FORGIVE, keep it moving and pray that the people you need will meet me on the way.
Despite sisterhood being turbulent for the most part of my life, I must say there have been some blessings to come out of it. I no longer have or feel the need to be a part of a squad. I now have a collection of amazing women in my life who joined me during different stages of my journey. Some have been there since day one and others have come along the way and shown me the real definition of sisterhood.
So today I shoutout to the women who have made an impact in my life and shown me the real definition of Unity. Even though I was an only girl child at home, I was blessed to have a multitude of women around who loved and looked out for me. Most importantly to the sisters from my past, if I was not a good sister to you I apologise. We may no longer speak but our paths crossed for a reason and many valuable lessons were learned from it. I have peace with you all because I stopped holding malice many moons ago and by forgiving you I have set my soul free and can have peace of mind.
I now understand that in order to be a better sister I have to become a better woman. Before I can give to others I have to ensure that I give unto myself first. The filling of my own my cup will enable me to serve others from its overflow. Showing love to other women must truly come from the genuine depths of my heart. To experience Sisterhood is a privilege that is to be honoured to the highest degree. I cherish it and I can’t wait to pass these gems onto my daughters, nieces, goddaughters and many other women who shall come after me.
So In the spirit of sisterhood, I just want to shout out some of the amazing women in my life. To my friends and family members who are mothers, I am deeply inspired by you. As I watch you all nurture your children, I am blown away by the level of strength you display on a daily basis.You are all doing amazing and I can’t wait to see your children grow up to do great and mighty things.
My ladies killing it in the hair, makeup, music, food, social media and creative industry, I see you all. Please check out some of the talented women that I know below!